Independence

My SD is 7 and also babied at her mums. I tough her to wipe her bum at age 4 (just before school starts) because I felt she should have been shown by her mum by now and what will she do at school if she does a poo? She resisted at first and seemed to need to relearn when she got back here each Friday, was fine doing it by Sunday then went home just to have her mum undo my progress and do it for her! But DEFINITELY should be doing it by 7! Mad that her mum isn't teaching her these things! Same with washing her body, I'd say SD did it from 4-5 (with some reminders of the areas she usually forgets like armpits and neck) I wouldn't say she could make herself lunch or anything now though but she loves getting involved when I make dinner and helping to weigh things and stir. Also struggles with pouring milk or squash and her parents do it all for her whereas I supervised and show her how to clean it up and help clean it up if she spills

I had this exact issue. I had an almost ten year old asking me to wipe his bum and then willy which I flatly refused. His dad still showers them both as they "can't" do it, makes all their food for them, stands over them to make them do their teeth. They can't open bottles or pour things for themselves. They expect drinks to be handed to them. It drives me nuts and anything we do is completely undone by their mother in between visits. I'm raising my children to be confident and independent and I genuinely see a future where my 20 month old will overtake the 8 year old in ability. It just makes me sad tbh.

I had similar issues with my SD. Her mum doesn’t show her how to do things and now that she’s 10 and has started her period, we are running into difficulties where I need to remind her how to do certain things. Please persist with your SD as she needs to learn these things. I just explain things by saying that we have different rules in different homes. Her dad used to pamper her and just expect me to cater to her needs. She’s a sweet girl but when she didn’t eat breakfast till after midday because she was expecting me to pour her cereal, her dad told her off and to start doing things for herself.

I have an 8 year old SD and can relate to certain bits. In terms of washing she is able to do most of it herself but still needs help with making sure the shampoo is out. She likes to dress herself as she can choose an outfit to suit her style which I don’t always agree with (aesthetically) but it’s good for her to have some freedom. In terms of the wiping…she only recently is getting more confident after number 2’s…we were checking it for ages and do have to sometimes but I think she is a bit old not to even be attempting to wipe. Is the wiping something bio mum and dad can discuss to try and encourage at both houses…have school mentioned anything? In terms of the meal prep we do it for our 8 and 10 year old but they are starting to take an interest in making certain things with supervision like porridge/cereal and help out when cooking meals but it is very much on their terms at the moment. But as mentioned, please keep going with SD, it takes a long time to establish these skills.