Absent BD

Don't communicate with him, let him chase you not other way round. If hes really interested he will reach out. Do it alone and move on, you'll be absolutely fine x

I think you should take him for child support at the very least he doesn’t wanna be apart of the child’s life fine but you didn’t make this baby by yourself so you shouldn’t have to be financially responsible by yourself .

Now I think you should ask him once more if he wants to be there but if he says no that’s on him you did your part

@Nicole it just makes me nervous with all the finance and she’ll grow up with lots of questions x

@evelyn I worry with that as he can deny everything and then try to make my life hell after x

A child with one fully invested parent is better off than having a 2nd parent who doesn't want to be there. I've always taken the view that if my LO's BD got in touch then I wouldn't prevent them having a relationship. But that day has yet to dawn. He does contribute a little via CMS while not being on the birth certificate or having PR. Hope this may help...

@Ellie that's totally normal to think like that. It does get better (I've done it alone myself since being 3 months pregnant and my son is now 17 months). Even if you leave the door open to him if he gets in touch. Reaching out to him may open up different problems later on though x

@Anna yeah it guess that true. Was it easy for them to take part in CMS after having no contact from the beginning?

@Ellie yes unfortunately that could happen so with that in mind honestly if he doesn’t wanna be there just raise your baby by yourself and be happy

It’s better to just be happy with you and your child rather than try to make him be something he isn’t I think you’re making the right decision

@Nicole Yeah I guess so. He was a narcissist and manipulative when I was in a relationship with him so I know it’s best to do it without him but it’s hard knowing he’s the dad of my baby and he can just walk around pretending his daughter doesn’t exist

@evelyn I wouldn’t even know where to start if I was to try and get him involved, just digging away at me. I’ve always dreamt of having a baby in a loving and happy relationship but knowing it’s not all fairytales is digging at my heart strings

@Ellie I totally understand where you're coming from, my ex was the same and its devastating they're the father but honestly you doing it alone you will move on from that eventually and your little girl will know who was there all along. If applying for CMS though may open up things like a dna (if he refuses he is the father to pay) pitentially court (not always a good thing with child arrangement orders either as he can use that for control over you too) so I'd consider applying if you can get by without or not, unless he takes you to court then absolutely apply x

I recon if I do go along with CMS he probably will turn around and say she’s not his as he already said at the beginning of the pregnancy that the baby wasn’t his yet it actually knows that the baby is his but he’s being immature with it all. I recon he’s not bothered being the father to the baby as he’s got a new girlfriend so can make a new baby with her if he’s wasn’t another child

My ex did the same I’m doing it alone

You’ll be fine. He isn’t worth your time or energy X

I’m here you can message me anytime ❤️❤️ my baby is now 1 year 9 months old xx

I’ve been through similar. Planned baby, house together and at 33 weeks decided he didn’t want to do it. Initially he said he would be involved but my boy is nearly 17 months and we’ve never heard from him. He met him when he was born but since then he’s not even sent a birthday card. I’ve solo parented from the start. Xx It’s very difficult, especially at the start because you see all the other mums in their bubble with their partner but i promise you each day gets easier. Do not beg someone to be apart of your babies life. You are strong enough to do both roles. It’s a privilege to raise your child and if he doesn’t think that then leave him to it. Sending you strength 💖

Hi @Ellie, there's a community of solo parents on Peanut which started recently - here's a link if it might be of interest... https://www.peanut-app.io/share/O2X2VduHFPb

@Sarah thank you xx

@Bethany oh wow he gave you such false hopes then! At least he was with you the majority of your pregnancy 🤷🏼‍♀️ sounds like a typical guy thing then, completely disappeared, it’s alright for them they can just disappear and not have anything to do with the baby whereas we need to be there for the baby to keep them alive. That’s one of the things I’m not looking forward to, everyone is having their happy little families and I’m having to do it on my own. Thank you! Means so so much xx

@Ellie I went through cms for my girl. Her dad left me at 30 weeks and went back to his ex wife 🤦🏼‍♀️ I don’t believe she should miss out so I claimed. It pays for all her baby groups ☺️ It was pretty easy. The only way for him to get out of paying is to pay for a dna test through the court. CMS don’t really get involved in that, he would have to pay until he can prove the baby isn’t his which obviously he won’t be able to do. Like you said, he has a new girlfriend etc now so is unlikely to go through with it anyway

Remember if he changes his mind after he baby is born don’t let him. As he will just leave again. Accept that he has let you down he has let you go through this alone and will not prioritise you . A month in you knew this and you chose to keep it knowing you’d be alone so asking this now does not matter anymore. He’s out.

@Lauryn how do you go through CMS?

@E.P I know that he’ll put everything on me saying I ruined his life forever, that what he told me when he go with his new girlfriend and that I’ve ruined the babies life forever as well. I told him when l first got with him that I’ll never go through with abortion unless the baby has a poor quality of life if I kept her

@Ellie I just filled in a form online. Just need full name and dob and ideally address. They will ask if you know any other information like employer that can help find them but it doesn’t matter if you don’t. There’s 2 options, you can either have him pay it directly to you or they can collect from his wages (which then costs him more and you lose a little though)

He’s self employed and works with/for his dad

@Ellie you do what you need to do for you . If reaching out is not something you see yourself doing or not something that you can handle then don’t . Do what makes you happy so that you can be the best mum you possibly can to your baby . Don’t stress about the father piece because it doesn’t seem like he’d be a very involved father regardless so don’t stress yourself over something that just isn’t gonna work the way you and baby need it to. He made his choice already you’re already doing more than enough by leaving the door open for him to reach out you don’t need to do anything further

Yeah I guess so. He’s not interested at all in being a father to his baby