I don't know how to feel

So I posted something about the way my boyfriend talks to me and how I woke up and asked him to do a few things for me while I was trying to get our daughter to sleep like "becca can't do things for herself" and I asked him if I could watch a show with him and he said " oh I forgot becca can't watch stuff by herself" and how he wasn't listening to me. We talked and I decided to just straight up tell him he's gaslighting me and being very guilt trippy, he then said "what do you mean, how am I gaslighting you" I just said that when I dont wanna joke he says things like "ill never joke with you again, you're so serious." And when I've brought up something in the past he just brings up something I've done, compares it and says I don't understand what he's saying. After not talking for more than a day (unless we had to say a few words) I eventually gave in and cuddled him. When I woke up he said he was sorry, he doesn't realise he's doing it and he'll try and be better. I'm scared because ive already told him about 5 times I don't like the way he talks to me and now im having to say again. It's really weird though because for days he'll be really loving and out of no where hes being snarky and nasty. my sister was staying for days and he was actually okay and we were having fun and then she went home and the next day he was like that. I'm confused as fuck. I feel horrible for even writing this, like I'm betraying him. Now I'm sure he's been gaslighting me, I just want to be distant from him and I hate that because I love this man. I always tell him how badly I want to get engaged but honestly i dont really want to now and that fucking hurts so badly, i feel like im betraying him. I'm just so hurt. He says he doesn't realise he's doing it but that's what hurts. He doesn't realise what hes saying is hurtful? Especially after i tell him he makes me feel dumb sometimes or ive started to just go quiet after arguments. He doesn't realise how he's hurt me everytime this has happened. I've told him in the past he makes me feel stupid and dumb sometimes and sometimes his reply has been "guess ill just never say stuff then" and then in the future ill tell him hes said that, he goes "i never said that" or "i never said it like that".....I feel stupid. I don't wanna sound sad or anything but I feel bad about myself. I don't like myself because I now doubt myself and wonder if I'm the one in the wrong and if I'm the gaslighting one. Like I really just don't like myself. I'm really really confused though because he's loving one day and that makes me think happy things and then the next day he is the opposite or snarky and distant. I don't understand. I honestly feel like im going to go mental with this now. I've been thinking about it for days now even after he said he'll try harder and he's sorry. I love my little family and my partner but I feel so lost like I don't even know how to feel or what to say when he hurts me. I've just started putting up with it. I love this man but now I just wanna away from him for a bit and i feel like I shouldn't be feeling like that even after all the help he's gave me since I've met him.