Division of Parenting

How are you guys with partners divvying up the tasks? Each time I think my fiancé and I have it figured out we don’t. My job is part time weekends but I make the most financially. His is Monday -Friday 8am-5pm. We have a nanny Sundays 7:30-2pm and Mondays 7:30-5pm. I mention finances because my fiancé seems to think because I am home the majority of the time I get a break. Therefore he needs a break directly after he gets off work. My thing is parenting is hard. When the nanny is here I am asleep because I have worked a 12 hour shift the night before. So Tuesday-Friday she is with me solo until he gets home. Some fridays I go to work at 6:30 pm after a day up with her. My point being: a lot of parents who stay home during the week with their kids do that as their job, But I am doing it and then clocking in on the weekends. I’ve tried explaining to him that as much as he needs a break I do too. I don’t get a break to do things for me. I get a break (nanny) so I can sleep, get back up and go to work. Our Nanny’s Sunday shift is literally only for him. Again I sleep so if she wasn’t here he would solo parent Friday nights (if I work), saturdays, and Sundays after 2pm. I have stopped working out because the older she gets that harder it is to do these home workouts. Because of this I hate the way I look. Most days I don’t get to do the simple task of showering until 8pm. I will say most days my fiancé cooks dinner, and he does put her to bed if I’m trying to do other stuff. If I ask him he’ll give her a bath but maybe because he’s dad I get the feeling he sees this is as my job. I guess I just want to know if I’m wrong here? Is he wrong? Are we both kinda right.

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Ok wait. He's home Sunday and the nanny still comes??? Either drop that or have a full day where you are not at work and not going in that night but the nanny still comes!!

I’m probably going to be the only one that has a different opinion on all of this. My husband and I don’t divvy up task when it comes to taking care of our daughter. I am vocal about my needs because I’m my daughter’s primary parent(I work full time, but I’m home more since Dad works 5am to usually 6pm) EVERYONE needs time to decompress. I sit outside of my daughter’s Grandmothers house for 30 minutes daily to decompress. The shift between employee and parent isn’t easy and can take longer for people to adjust. Can you not have a day for the nanny to come for you as he has Sunday? Maybe Fridays? Assuming babygirl is 7.5-8 months, is she walking? I tend to put my daughter in her walker or playpen just when I need to get a few things done. How’s her sleep schedule? I don’t think this is a situation of right or wrong. I think this is two parents that need to have a conversation and set a weekly routine.

Honestly it’s hard because I have a similar situation. I work over nights and my husband works during the day so I’m home majority of the time just because my schedule is odd as far as the days I actually work. But I am the main caretaker in my home as well. Not because my husband can’t do the job when he is home but just because my children tend to leave towards me. Does he change diapers and make bottle? Yes any kind of major task I usually need to ask him and I don’t mind. But definitely have a discussion about what you guys need to fulfill so that the other isn’t feeling the burden of the house dynamic.

@Jaymie I have seriously been thinking about adding some time for the nanny on fridays. Especially since he has Sundays. I just don’t see a way to fit anything in for myself otherwise but he always seems to find time for himself. We’re also wired differently. I can’t relax until I feel my checklist is done but he will always relax first and hit the checklist when he gets time(if he gets time)

He does anything for her when he sees it (diapers, bottles, playing). The conversation has been that he wants like an hour break when he gets home. But that hour is when dinner, bath time and bedtime starts. After I’ve been home with her all day that’s a lot to also take on. I think I’m going to suggest that he aim to do her night routine solo at least once during the week. When I go to work he does not to her bath, or feed her solids before bed, it’s just bottle and go. On top of this when ai have her I’m managing the house hold stuff too. He’s not doing laundry while he has her, or vacuuming or paying bills. He’s just watching her. I just do t think he realizes it not just her I’m taking care of it’s the whole house

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