Why

Your love language may be physical touch. If so, that would explain it.

This is an attachment issue/trauma. You associate sex with love. It might be beneficial to speak to a professional to eak out the reasons you feel this way.

I’m a physical touch person and my husband isn’t really. So I get the feeling. I know he loves me all the time but I feel much more connected and confident in our relationship when we are having regular sex🫶🏼

i think it has to do with your attachment style. i am very anxious as well and i need constant reassurance. 💕

@Angela Yes my love language is physical touch.

@Marlee Haag exactly. I just hate it cause we are very busy

Just remember men look at things differently than women do. Since men are so physical by nature, that wouldn’t have been the reason he made you his wife or fell in love with you. Make a list of the things you love about you. And start there. This is less about him and more about how you see value within yourself

I don't think you're fucked in the head but I accidentally selected that lol

I laughed so hard at the first option. But honestly we are probably both fucked in the head together. 😂 my love language is physical touch so even if it’s not sex, it has to be something else or I feel the same way.

What's HIS love language? Most people GIVE with their own love language. A gift lover will, by default, show love by giving gifts. OFC we should all learn our partners love language and "speak it" even if it doesn't come naturally. But maybe if you consciously recognise when he's "showing love" with his love language, you'll feel loved. Also you can feel loved with physical touch without actually having sex. Any touch should work.

@Ciara how is it an attachment issue? What if her love language wasn’t touch but it was quality time. Her husband not spending enough time with her and her feeling unloved by that means it’s an attachment issue? I’m curious about this as I want to explore this for me

Is this in your head or his actions?

Have you ever heard of rejection sensitivity dysphoria? It could also be that…

i have this similar feeling when he wouldn’t give me the attention that i need. then i ask him do you still love me? he gets so mad. am i also fucked in the head😂

I used to be the same way, until I had a baby. Now the roles are reversed. I think its important to not take it personal and understand he may have a lot on his mind or just have a lower libido than you. Just talk to him and be open, listen to what he says. try not to pressure him or shame him. That will only make the issue worse.

Yes I get this but I'm pregnant so I constantly want to be hugged/touched (fuxked) lol 😂

@Jay love languages are made up and not based on clinical research (sorry to say for all those who put stock in it). It was developed by a pastor to encourage women to have more intimate times with their husbands. (You can read into it online - lots of sources explain the origin story). Anyway, we all form different types of attachment depending on how we bond with our caregivers (see attachment theory). If you’re associating sex with love, psychologically speaking, it is likely to indicate some kind of insecure attachment style. So you seek external validation. Somewhere along the development line, someone or something had taught you that validation is met through sex. It obviously A LOT more complicated than that and I’m referring to years and years of psychological research in literally one paragraph. The best thing to do would be to research attachment theory and then look back through your past attachments - is there a pattern? Do you seek validation through approval, etc.

@Ciara im so glad to see someone talk about how problematic the love languages concept is!! I don’t think I have seen anyone mention it on this app!

@Lyss I’ve never heard of it discussed in this light. Can you elaborate on what makes it problematic?

@Kris here is an article to explain some of the issues and Ciara mentioned how it was written by a evangelical pastor…so it also isn’t designed to work for same sex couples or non-religious couples or non-monogamous couples… https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-futurist/202401/the-problem-with-believing-in-love-languages