MIL

Lovely! He'll have more than one. Tell her to keep it at her house for when he visits 🖤

Hmm I personally think this is nice and must be exciting for her also. Do you have a problem with her in general? Sorry but I can’t see this being an issue and if it were me in your position I would feel happy that my child is so loved! That’s my opinion xx

Aww I think she’s just being nice. But I get that since you already made one you feel like why is she wanting to make one lol. Is he the first grandchild? I think everyone makes a massive deal over the first grandchild and then they don’t do things like this for the rest

I understand the, “she’s just being nice” perspective. However, I think it’s even more considerate to allow a mother HER OWN FIRST EXPERIENCES WITH HER CHILD. (I may or may not be dealing with the same issue 🙃) Grandparents are so excited to be involved that they forget it’s not their turn. Just keep patience with her though. It’s ultimately not worth starting drama over. He’ll cherish the one from mama more anyway.

That’s his Grandma and one day it will be really special for him to have a book in her writing. I’m speaking from experience 😉 He could have one or 5, it’s still nice to look back on.

Wish someone did this for me!! Motherhood is hard to keep up with. Not like you can’t still have the one you made too.

I’ve got a similar situation with my MIL and others say they are just being nice, but in my opinion, this is a blurring of boundaries and MIL treating your baby like hers. Mine will say things like “got to get pictures for the scrapbook” and it’s like no I’ve got a baby book. And she’ll say oh I need photos to show people at work my baby! And it’s like no. This is your grand baby. Please stop. I understand the frustration and you are not overreacting.

@Claire THANK YOU FOR THIS!! 🩷🫶🏼

@Beka EXACTLY. We had gifts from extended family members sent to MIL’s house and she OPENED them and then wanted to FaceTime to show us. Like those are MY gifts for MY baby. We want to take baby to the aquarium and she wants to tag along and it’s like, can we not have some of these experiences just as parents?? The type of behavior OP is talking about really begins to invade boundaries and shows a certain possession of a child that is not theirs

I get it. The feeling is also exacerbated during postpartum. It's annoying when grandmas do things that's typically what a mom does for their child cuz it's so special to you and it's a bonding moment for you with your child. It almost feels threatening like they're trying to take that special place and be the mom lol. Like respectfully, no. Please do your Gammy activities with my child. Stop trying to copy me and takeover 😭

I personally would have asked first. It'll be nice for him to have it from two perspectives if it asks for reflections of the firsts, but she definitely should have asked since it's typically something that the parents do. At least I've never heard of someone's relative making them a baby book which is why I'd ask first.

@Sarah Exactly!!! Thank you for understanding me🙌🏼

This is sweet of her, without more context it definitely feels like you're overreacting. Also, MIL isn't taking away any of these experiences, she's trying to find out more so she can put it in the book. She isn't saying she wants to be involved with these firsts happening or showing any sort of jealousy or upset that she wasn't there, she's just trying to fill out the book. I think that's lovely

I think that’s really sweet. There’s a disconnect, it would be good to check in and ask if it’s already been done but that’s also not how surprises work. Maybe she thought that (possibly like herself in the past?) you aren’t thinking about it and documenting and it will be a welcomed and thoughtful gift. If she were right on all counts she’d be hitting it out of the park! I’d tell her how loving and thoughtful it is, and that I’ve got it covered but it’s great to have it twice and to keep one to show him when he is old enough to go through it with her too!

I’m actually confused why it would be annoying if you’ve already done it? If it’s something you were planning and she took over maybe but you said you’ve already done it first so her doing one too doesn’t sound like any kind of issue to me 😣

Would it annoy you just as much if say your friend did one for your LO?

I absolutely loved to see so many of the commenters sentiment with grandma's love but I feel like that's not what Emilie is expressing her concern about. Grandma wants to make a book of firsts which is repetitive of what's already been written by mama. It's a book of facts that the parents experience intimately and then jot down the milestones as they witness. For grandma to get that info from mama to put it in her book as if she experienced it first hand could feel weird or intrusive to someone and there's nothing wrong with that! Maybe grandma could express love in her own way like maybe build her own scrapbook about her experiences? or even a cute photo album maybe? Sounds more genuine and considerate of mom and baby's relationship :). Not assuming that she has wrong intentions but some ideas could help both of them feel comfortable and happy!

I would love if mine did that.

Surely you just say ‘thanks that’s a lovely idea but we’ve already done one’

I would love if mine did that. I haven’t had time to do it and it would be so thoughtful if she would do that. I would appreciate it

She might just want it as a keep sake for herself, but there is no overreacting or valid situation here, your emotions are your emotions and there's no problem feeling that way just as long as you can reflect on those emotions and figure out if it's a you problem or her problem to go forward with

I would find this to be an overstep regardless of who was making it. In my opinion, it would have been preferable if she had asked first. That way, she is showing consideration for how you feel about it. She may think it’s a nice gesture, but as others have said, it is a personal and intimate thing for many parents. I saw some posts about people who were not able to shop for their baby’s first pair of shoes because a grandparent had overstepped and done so. There is a lot of sentiment behind “small” milestones. It’s only fair that the parents get to have a say in things. The way you feel is valid and you shouldn’t feel otherwise.

I get this is probably coming from a good place but my MIL would never do this. It’s a mother’s experience to create a book of firsts. She should’ve asked first if you’d want it or not.

There are tonnes of posts on this app about MILs over stepping their role but I don’t feel this is that. I personally would find that really endearing that she would create something for you and for your child. As someone who has already lost one of my parents as has my husband, these kinds of thoughtful tokens are things that we cherish now that we don’t have those parents around. She’s not preventing you from having a book, try if you can to drop your guard and see this for the nice gesture that it is!

Wow, why so much hate for a nice gesture? Ew.

@Rebecca because deep down it isnt, you didint have to comment hate! Im sharing my feelings im allowed

@Claire I don’t get this. Why are you upset that your child’s grandparent is so proud that she wants to keep memories and share with friends? There’s so many people on here who complain that grandparents do nothing and don’t care so surely it’s amazing to have the opposite?

I don’t think it’s hate, it’s lack of understanding each others emotion due to differences

@Lucy because there is a difference between being proud and sharing to feel good about yourself. There is a difference between celebrating your family and making it about yourself and taking away experiences from the parent. My MIL posted about my birth before I was out of recovery and while I was vomiting non stop. Why? So a bunch of people could comment on Facebook and make her feel happy. Never checked on me the whole time and was confused when I asked her to remove the post as I felt she was taking away my ability to be be the one to share MY news and she was sharing intimate details about my life that was an invasion of privacy…. That’s the context of why I don’t need her showing pictures of my baby to literally everyone, everywhere. It’s possessive and I don’t need someone spending all of their time with a camera in front of my baby’s face.

My MIL said she was gonna do this. I told her I didn’t mind and that I was also keeping a memory book, she basically told me it’s cute I was trying to do it myself but I’d eventually get bored and forget all about it My daughter turns two in May, I’m still writing in the memory book regularly. Meanwhile, MIL hasn’t updated hers since Aug 2023 😂😂 Your feels are valid, just ignore her version ♥️

Why would it bother you that she wants a My First book to keep for herself? It's a good thing for grandparents to care. She's not judging your parenting or telling you to do things differently, she just wants a little bit of her grandchild to have with her

@Catherine this! I don't gey why some mothers have do much hate for their MILs over such small things!

@Claire ah a lot of detail not shared in your original comment ☺️

Girl, all I’ll say is that I totally get it. I struggle with the same feelings being a first time mom. 💜

@Claire I'm so sorry for your experience 🙏🏼. Your feelings are valid and you're not alone. Motherhood is tough. All we can do is offer empathy but you've found the strength to keep moving forward ❤️

@Rebecca I don't think she is expressing hate at all. I think she is feeling violated and her feelings are valid as we can all be territorial of our children. If this feels like a violation to her then perhaps it is as we don't know the dynamics between them. Offer empathy to Emilie and seek to understand her perspective before you provide an ew response. I have seen far worse posted on this app where the mom is absolutely in the wrong. This is not one of those situations.

That’s a mom thing to do not a grandma thing. Some of these MIL think the baby is their chance to be a mother again. It’s weird. I would just say thank you but I’m already doing one

I tend to get very territorial when it comes to the firsts for the kids and what I want to do for them as their mom etc. But sometimes we need to step back and remember that others often have great intentions and are trying to be thoughtful.

I think it’s really thoughtful. Especially since I haven’t finished my kids yet. One will be 2 this summer and the other is 3 lol

@Haley 💚 ive already completed mine and shes read through it a couple times..