Angry & Sad at my husband, I feel unsupported

I’m 26 weeks pregnant & was suddenly admitted in hospital since Friday night as I had heart palpitations & low baby movements. I’ve been kept at the hospital to monitor baby heart rate & movements. Initially when I was called in hospital, it was for my blood pressure & blood to be taken as they found protein in my urine. However, the doctor decided to admit me after I shared these other symptoms. I didn’t come with anything as I didn’t expect to be admitted. I asked my husband to bring me to check up on me & bring me some essentials the next morning before he left for work. He had plenty of time to pop by the hospital as it’s not far from our house but he didn’t show up. He was supposed to finish work at 7pm so that meant I’d have to wait until after that time. I was so angry & disappointed but remained patient & hopeful. In the meantime, I had informed my close friend that I was admitted & she offered to come visit me so I requested her to bring me a few things like a toothbrush, cream etc so I could get through the day. She was amazing, she brought me everything I requested her & cheered me up with some nice cake & chocolate compliant with my gluten & dairy free diet. She was here with me all afternoon & after asking the doctor’s permission, I was able to go out for some sun with her in the hospital garden. I was so happy & uplifted when she left me :-) Now, my phone was going low & I still needed a few things so I texted my H with the remaining stuff I needed & of course expecting him to visit me later. He hasn’t seen me since the night before, I had a go at him earlier for being so hands-off & just making phone calls to find out what’s happening rather than visit me. He didn’t respond to any of my text. Anyways, I waited for him up to until an hour & a half after he finished work. I then rang him as I just got tired of waiting & no communication to find out his whereabouts. He said he was at home & I became furious that he was at home watching TV as that’s what he is addicted to while I was in the hospital. We had a nasty exchange as he made it about himself that he was tired & went to work blah blah rather than ask anything about me & the unborn baby. I felt he was just selfish & I said that to him. Eventually, he came & brought me what I needed & some snacks (which I was grateful for). But he was moaning about not finding the hospital ward etc when I clearly told him where I was admitted. I had the midwife putting the CTG on me at the time so we didn’t have time to speak. I asked him to sit down either on the side of the bed or chair to just share the moment looking at our baby’s heart monitoring but he refused & was in a mood. So he stood there for a couple of mins & said he was tired & needed to go sleep. He left abruptly as the midwife was still fixing the CTG. I was disappointed! An hour later I called him & I find out he is watching TV. I was hurt that he couldn’t stay with me for half an hour & gave an excuse that he needs to sleep but actually was going to be awake until midnight or after. Anyways, I expressed how I felt via text but was just ignored. I am at my wits end as there are just several aspects within this relationship that I am not happy about, the most critical is his lack of respect & understanding which drives me insane. I have been contemplating on leaving for a while but was telling myself to just wait until the baby is born, then make the decision as I felt it was too much to handle as I needed to focus on my pregnancy as I’ve had to be monitored due to an autoimmune condition. I also don’t have any family near me that’s why I wanted to have him around but I’m already getting disappointed. But tonight I felt so angry & sad & feel more inclined to make the decision sooner rather later. We are due to move house in two weeks as we need a bigger space for the baby & I asked myself what’s the point of looking for a place with him & continuing to try with this marriage if he’d rather be watching TV than be supportive towards me in hospital. I have been thinking a lot & I want to make a decision that’s best for me & the baby. I am coming to acceptance that I will not get the emotional support & care I need from him as he tends to make everything about himself. I am torn between whether now is the best time to make the decision to leave him for good or after baby is born!

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I would leave now hun. If he's this unsupportive towards you and his child now, how much will he help out when baby is here? Especially if you've been feeling like this for a while. I'd maybe try having an in person conversation once you are out of the hospital and explain how this made you feel and that it feels like he is unsupportive of you or your unborn child. If he tries to get defensive or angry at you, then that tells you everything you need to know that walking away is the right decision. To put it into perspective. My first pregnancy, I had a miscarriage and spent 25 hours in Hospital, my partner went home to grab me some pyjamas, spare clothes, phone charger, toothbrush etc etc and spare stuff for himself and would nor leave me for the entire night, he sat by my bedside whilst I wept, wept with me, picked me up off the floor when I was unable to move from the excruciating pain. I know your situation is different, but this is the treatment you deserve from your husband.

Sorry that you are going through this, I'm glad you had your friend there, but the audacity of your husband is unbelievable. Hopefully you are out of hospital and back home soon lovely x

If you’re serious about leaving then now is the time. You’ll be exhausted after the baby is born and you’ll likely not have the energy to get things sorted. I’m sorry he’s so unsupportive. It’s a shame it’s taken such a special time to realise he’s maybe not the man you need in your life ❤️ xx

@Cal Hi, the reason I say I want to leave after the baby is here is because I’ll have support around me. My mum will be here to support me with the baby so emotionally & physically I’ll feel stronger to leave & not go back. I’m worried right now that because I don’t have the support, he’ll pull me back with his sweet tactics.

This response right here gives me huge red flags! If he's preying on your vulnerability then you absolutely 100% need to leave now x

You’ll be tired. Hormones all over the place, emotional. It won’t be the right headspace. He doesn’t sound like he’s going to put you or the baby first. Get that support from your mum now, I’m sure it’s not limited ❤️ xx

@Cal it would be ideal to get the support from mum now & I would have loved that but mum isn’t here & it’ll take some process with the visitor visa to come. And I thought it’d be better for her to come after the baby is here rather than before. I don’t have anyone else to support me at home right now.

Hi...I'm feeling similar about my partner he's gone very angry suddenly and snappy and last week told me he wasn't sure it was his baby when he was drunk. For me I've decided to wait until baby's here as upending my life before it's born will stress me and the baby. Always here to chat if needed xx

@Lynsey Hi, that’s how I’ve been feeling too. I tried to leave the relationship once before whilst pregnant but I became depressed & without a strong support network near me to help with practical things. I thought I’d be able to get his help for now but this experience has taught me otherwise. Anyways my plan is to establish a strong support system for the postpartum period so I can be strong enough to leave this relationship.

That sounds sensible just always make sure your safe and know where the support is, always here to chat xx

Men are useless at stressful situation, maybe watching TV was his stress relief. I know it’s upsetting and you feel let down, completely agree. It’s easy to leave - but believe me most men are useless! Talk to him when you’ve calmed down and explain you felt let down and disrespected x

@Dessy I would like to believe that but that’s not true. I have examples of men in my family who have been there for their wives every step of the way. In the cubicle next to me, the man stuck by his wife all day & night & literally not left her. I’m not comparing but as a bare minimum coming to bring me essentials & sitting with me for an hour after not seeing me a whole 24 hrs shouldn’t feel like an inconvenience. He has been calling & not even once has he asked how I feel. He thinks I’m exaggerating the situation & chooses not to understand why I’m in hospital however much I explain to him. Even other times at home he is physically with me, but emotionally & mentally checked out as he is always on TV & there’s never a good time to discuss anything with him. When I express I’d like to discuss something he shuts me down & either it ends up to a fight or I’m left having to suppress things for the sake of my peace.

I’m sorry to hear this, only you know how you truly feel. But like I said don’t rush, especially now with all the hormones kicking in - this decision can ALWAYS be done. Can’t you ask for some time apart while you are certain this is what you want and need?

Run. Every room in a hospital has a TV. What an absolute A**

I hate to say it, but if he's behaving this way now then I'd be very worried about how he's going to be when you have a newborn! This is shocking behaviour from your husband, I'm honestly livid for you! When my partner was in hospital for 4 days I visited him at least 2 of those evenings, this is after a full day at work and a 30 min car drive to the hospital, with my other 2 kids I'll add! I was also pregnant at the time, so he has zero excuse!

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