Can’t stop thinking about leaving husband

Is anyone else just keep getting so wound up and contemplating leaving ur husband. I love him as a husband, I knew the man he was and I thought becoming a father would change some of his selfishness. It was ok I could deal with it before but as a father it just isn’t right/ideal. I want to say that he does do stuff to help me with baby so for example he does change nappies & get her dressed and feed her. But that’s where it ends. I do appreciate that he doesn’t do absolutely nothing and I try to weigh up would I rather be a single mum where I wouldn’t get those very small pockets of a “break”. He’s a lazy shit and if there was an ultimatum I’m not sure he’d pick us over certain things (his own personal interests). I know no one can tell me what to do but I did read a thing saying that u shouldn’t make decisions about ur relationship until at least 12m in because that first year is really tough so I keep thinking of that but I find myself getting more and more worked up about him every day. Have attempted conversations and arguments and I just feel like it goes in one ear and out the other. It could be better, it could be worse it’s one of them situations. I wonder if there’s an element they’re all the same but then sometimes I do see otherwise in other fathers I know/observe.

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I think lots of dads come into their own with kids that are a little older, like toddler age. I know that doesn’t sound promising but I think it’s pretty common for men to feel a bit lost in the first year and to be less than useful. You could also probably do with a date night or holiday together. I’ve definitely felt frustrated at times but I think best not to make any rash decisions when we’re still so new to this. But only you know what’s best for you and your little one, I hope you sort it out between you though

If anything having children probably brings out their selfishness even more for you to see. It can make you very resentful. Sorry to say but it’s not the norm that men are supposed to get away with the bare minimum. My partner does half the looking after, if not more at the weekends. The second he gets home from work he takes the baby so I get a rest. At the weekends he does the first wake window alone so I can sleep in. This is because he wants to. Men will act how they want to and it’s so frustrating to me that we even have to have the thought of asking them to look after their own child. I think there is an element that a relationship will struggle at the beginning, emotions are heightened and it’s a high pressure situation but it also doesn’t excuse lazy behaviour. If we were as laid back and not arsed as men who would look after the baby?

sometimes women just soldier on and be like yeah it is what it is which is a little bit what I’m like but then u will have the really good dads who like u said actually WANT to do these things. In my situation he doesn’t want to, he just HAS to. And I get that’s what parenthood is like for both to an extent but he literally has no interest in doing fun things with her, like none whatsoever, (or that’s how it seems) which is really sad to see. I feel like she deserves more. But then again I do understand Eilidhs comment about maybe they become more interested when they’re a bit older because I understand not everyone likes babies

No hun I do get it that some people do just not know how to interact with babies easily it’s not the easiest thing it’s not like they can walk talk and properly play with toys. It’ll come to us as mothers easier as we’re with them all day. I would stick it out for a bit longer because like you say it’s not like he’s actively a really bad person and you don’t know if he will improve over time and it’s not that he completely doesn’t help you. He probably does do the amount most men do. You’ll know in your gut if it really does become the time to leave. I take it he works as well? I think it’s a bit hard for men who get home and only see baby for a limited time to have a strong bond. In the meantime could you encourage activities like going to parks, a farm, soft play / sensory so he can learn to interact with baby more?

Yeah he works and that’s reason enough for him to be absolutely done in for the day 🙄😂 I think they have no idea what maternity leave is like. He won’t let me leave baby alone with him for more than a few hours. Always when the opportunity arises he isn’t interested. Eg would u like to take her to swimming this week, no. Sensory, no. There’s other dads there so what’s the problem? I don’t want to is basically the answer. So annoying but I do keep reminding myself it’s a big life adjustment for us both and I’m wanting to be with him and us be a family it’s just hard rn but thank you for replying x

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