Anyone else stopped loving their partner since having a baby?
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@Caitlin he’s a year old next week. I always know the first year is the hardest but I was really hoping that by now we would have things figured out a bit better. For me it’s the fact that he feels hard done by for me asking him to help out. I’m crying out for help and just to be told he already does too much and most men don’t do as much as him. He doesn’t take me or my feelings into any of his considerations at all. He says I’m rude and snappy to him and talk to him badly and I admit I do but I can’t help it when I feel so much hate and resentment towards him. I don’t want to feel like this but I can’t change it unless he changes and he said he’s never going to.
Having a young baby is stressful and then having a grown man not help you is worst.. it should be 50/50 I feel this post because I'm the same, my husband is like looking after a child too and it's so annoying
@Natalie it is really annoying but for me now I just feel I’m over it and I don’t love him anymore that’s what’s hurting the most. I’ve told him how I feel about needing more help 1000s of times but he doesn’t care.
I'm in the same boat, my partner is soooo lazy unless it's something he wants to do. We talked last night and plan on separating when we have the finances for him to move out x
I feel this. My husband however does do a lot for our daughter but that’s it. He used to do sooo much more around the house but now he makes up excuses
It’s totally natural to stop loving someone when they don’t do their fair share of labour. It’s totally natural to get irritable and snappy when someone isn’t pulling their weight. Some men are just selfish and don’t deserve their partners and children, but some men are just clueless. If the clueless ones care enough, they will listen to their partners’ complaints and change their ways. My husband was never like this. He was a psychiatrist in mothers and babies for 6 months in his 20s, and saw the devastating impact of the mental load on mothers. He did EVERYTHING for months, to try to make my life as easy as possible in the first year. If you think your husband/partner is willing to listen/save the relationship, it’s worth looking at resources like this one: https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
I also find this guy explains some of the inequalities in relationships/gender really well. I’ll try to find the video where he calls out men (and women) who think that mums should be doing all nighttime childcare because a working man needs sleep more than a mum (who apparently isn’t working?) https://www.instagram.com/professor_neil?igsh=MWFmMjhoaHQ3MmViMA==
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8036wPOiRb/?igsh=MTJ1MjNlZm93YXg1bA==
Yep. You spoke my life word for word
Sometimes it’s like having an additional child ::😭
@Anke thank you for that link it’s really helpful! That’s a great resource.
I think this is extremely common but not talked about enough. Especially the first year after having a baby. I was talking to my SIL about her wedding the other day and she made a comment about how "kids make you love each other so much deeper" and I said "yeah i think it's had the opposite effect on me" and her response was "yeah I hated him (her husband) for the first year" and she was dead serious. I had no idea. But it made me feel a lot less alone and like it was more normal. I've considered leaving on plenty of occasions but I'm just trying my best to ride it out. We're 9 months in and it is starting to get slightly easier but my feelings definitely still aren't nearly as strong as pre-baby tbh. How old is your LO?