Where do we start?

My oldest daughter is almost 4 and my son is 15 months old. Since our first child was born my husband and I have not had a date or any sort of alone time. We have no family or anyone around and our kids have only been watched after by either one of us. Our relationship is suffering, badly. So we know we need to find time for us and our relationship but how?. We can't wake up before kids because they somehow know when we leave the bed (we co sleep with both kids still) so they wake up when we do no matter the time. We can't stay up after they sleep because some days it's 9pm when they finally fall asleep and we're both just so tired we can't do anything. If I don't even get 15 minutes a day for myself how can I possibly make time for a relationship? We know we need to find some sort of childcare option but that terrifies me. I don't want a daycare and so I'm thinking about a part time babysitter. But where do I get started??

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As much as you like to co sleep with your children maybe get into a routine we’re they go bed about 7.30pm in there own room and own bed. This will help you have more alone time for each other and on your own everyday.

I agree with Amanda. You have to do some form of sleep training with your little ones for you time and eventually time for your spouse. The co sleeping may be an issue. You can sleep train children to your bed. It’ll just be much more difficult.

Maybe try a bed for them in your room like a small one on the side? So when yall get up they wouldn't notice. And you can have a baby cam in there to watch them if you need to check on them. You can also leave a stuffed animal or blanket with your scent so they feel you're still there, maybe some music/lullabies to maintain them soothed ? Once they start falling asleep try to leave as they're getting into heavier sleep

You didn’t really say the sleeping situation is the issue, and I love that you cosleep with both. (We cosleep too) So, we started my daughter in part time daycare at 18mos old. Is your 4yo in something? I was worried at first but my LO LOVED IT, it’s such great socializing and gave us time to work (my partner and I WFH) and just have alone time, we don’t have family around either, it was the first time she was really away from us. Our daycare had cameras we could check at anytime, a lot of outdoor time, arts crafts etc. Now my LO is in Montessori prek and loves it. My opinion is any time you can have away from your kids would help you do things to free up time to be with your partner. And also give you a much needed break/you time. I’m def interested to hear anyone’s advice or take on babysitters.

@Amanda yeah our sleeping arrangement isn't really an issue, it works for our family. We've decided to homeschool but will look into a drop off co-op for the kids in the future. We've thought of getting an au pair as it seems they would feel more like family but we just couldn't afford it and justify the cost since I'm not a working mom. Seems like our only option is to find some sort of baby sitter or mommy helper type arrangement.

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