SC, BM & personal hygiene

Hi ladies, I have a 10 year old step son and a 1 year old baby girl. Step son is with us every other weekend, per his choice. BM is notoriously dirty, according to my husband that is one of the reasons why they got divorced in the first place. Currently, SC and BM live in an apartment with 3 dogs, 3 cats, and apparently a stink bug infestation. When SC comes over, he's always stinky, his cloths smell terrible, everything is full of dog hair and also his teeth clearly aren't brushed, his nails are way too long, and so are his hair. Basically it's turning into every time he's here we have to cut his nails, cut his hair, follow up on teeth brushing and so on. I brought this ip with my husband but he refuses to confront BM because he says being a single parent is super hard and we should be very grateful that she stepped up to that. I don't disagree, however I am concerned for SS personal hygiene and honestly having a baby at home, also about the potential pests and such. Everything is just a mess, also his room is always dirty, his bathroom, his clothes. Like I went to his room and found dirty underwear hidden under the bed and dirty clothes inside his bed, empty bottles, sometimes he leaves poop in the toilet without flushing. I mean, it's just gross for my taste and I don't really know what to do because on one hand I don't want to overstep, at the same time I'm not really OK with having all this in my house.

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Whew!! That is a LOT! Made me itch a little reading it. Okay.. so a conversation definitely needs to be had with BM. The concern you’re feeling is COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED and anyone would feel the same way if this were their situation! I think you and your husband should have a heart to heart with first, the bm and next, the son to make it clear what you do and don’t want, what you expect of him, and how you can all work together to make it happen. Ask the 10 year old what you all can do to help him remember to uphold his end of his hygiene and trash (ie more trash cans made available, phone alarms to be set, more strategically placed hampers, notes around the house🤷🏽‍♀️) and ask the BM to implement some of it at home so he can fall into a routine. Hope it helps.. Remember to lead every conversation with LOVE.

Poor boy… my husband & I were both single parents for a while before we met. Yes it is hard, especially with multiple but that is NO excuse to let your kids live in filth.. You MUST talk to her to see what is going on & maybe offer help. Another view point here, why wouldn’t dads first thought be to try to figure out how to get him out of that situation if she’s known to be dirty? I would be calling CPS & getting everything documented & then filing for emergency custody..no child should have to go through that. That’s all he was ever showed & thought to be an okay way to live.. that’s not his fault & shouldn’t be held against him. He needs someone to step up & nurture him. To show him the right way. because what his mom is doing currently is NOT that. Hopefully bringing the authorities into it might help mom get herself together but if not my only thought would be how to get him out of that situation. Whether he is my child or not. No one deserves to be brought up to fail like that

You have every right to be worried about it being around you and your baby but imagine what that poor boy goes through on a daily basis? How unhealthy that is for him. It can be hard to step up with a Step child. But one day no matter how hard it gets they will thank you for saving them out of that mess

I pray your husband steps up and talks to his EX at the least. Best of luck to you guys 💕

That sounds like BM is negligent I'd be worried i honestly would bug my husband to man up and take full custody cause neglect is abuse

@Autumn right!! that’s extremely concerning that he’s so OK with this going on for this long

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