Partner and I have different opinions about people visiting after birth, help 😓
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I feel like you have the right to ask to whatever support you need. It’s a really tough time and labour itself isn’t easy, pregnancy isn’t easy.. the whole journey is hard let alone a new born baby. I’m a firm believer in it takes a village. I say this not to dishonor his wishes but you have to think of what’s best for you too
Maybe frame it differently - like you’ll decide the exact plan when baby arrives. For example you might have to stay in hospital, then she could stop by and allow him to go home and get changed and shower. And perhaps she could come when you’re home to allow him to have some catch up sleep ready for another long night. Also her coming doesn’t mean she’s going to hold the baby, might just mean he gets more time with baby.
I would highlight benefits to the two of you for your mum visiting, like her cooking, washing up, clothes washes etc and how that alone gives time for you two to bond and him to actually have time to relax with baby (otherwise he is going to need to help a lot more with those rather than spend time with baby). Also the fact that you are the one that has given birth and have lots of hormone changes, you need at least one person who knows what that feels like and gives you that extra bit of support. I think its really good of you to have compromised or be willing to with other family members. But having one person will make such a huge difference in those first two weeks x
With our first we had everyone round at the hospital then in the first 2 weeks and even though I don't regret it, I regret not putting my foot down as family took advantage in the end and just rocked up literally just for baby. We got 2 days out of 2 weeks just us. Pregnant with baby no2 and we've decided this time no one will be invited. So far we are allowing my partners mum only as she will be caring for our LG when my partner is with me and I am completely comfortable with her being around (she helps, she actually shows she cares for me, our LG and my partner, she was even there for part of my labour last time). I think you and your partner need to just talk it out an try to find a middle ground. You've said your happy for your family to wait bar your mum so he needs to meet you in the middle. Maybe see if he would go for just you, baby and him for a couple days then bring your mum back or the other way round with your mum being there just while you settle, is he happy for your mum to be at the labour?
It may be that when the baby comes you both feel differently. You may decide that two hours is something you could cope with and want to put a strict limit around that. He just won’t want mum taking over and to feel like he’s figuring it out himself. I had to go into theatre after birth. My mum came into and supported my partner during that time. The midwife’s were quite matter of fact with him when he was being unsure of things and building confidence so my mum helped him but didn’t takeover. My best friend was back in hospital for a week after birth with sepsis and baby was in with jaundice so you really don’t know what’s going to happen. I wouldn’t agree anything now but say you’re glad you’ve had this conversation as you can both understand each others perspective but you’ll figure it out together when baby arrives. It’s good to know you have support if needed.
You’ll still need help with cooking and cleaning, you’ll still need to feed the baby 24/7 and try to recover from birth so you’ll need someone extra there anyway unless he’s willing to cook and clean and leave you with the baby. Explain to him that you won’t be able to do a lot without your mum there but maybe talk to your mum and make sure she doesn’t take the baby away from Your husband so he can spend as much time with it as possible before he has to go back to Work If that’s the case.
I think for dads its different, they usually only have 2wks of paternity leave and 1:1 time with baby and mama before they have to leave it all behind and go back to work. Could this be why he wants to keep the first two weeks in his bubble? I wouldn’t see it as cutting anyone out, it is more the want to enjoy the bubble before others come in. I want the same thing in the sense of no hospital visits or home visits until we decide - my husband is a chef so the time off is extremely precious to us.