Child support ..

So my husband is being asked to pay more for child support . Ok fine whatever . But it’s evident that bm doesn’t use that money on their kid . Ok whatever right . But then I hate how he then supplies things for their daughter there and here . Not my money so I don’t care . My annoyance is that he’ll give give give then suddenly can’t pay his share of the mortgage . I hate that I sound like a total insensitive bitch but I don’t think it’s fair I’m not agreeing to buy her AirPods . Buying her the latest this or that . And getting her hair and nails done . All these extra things then suddenly I have to give up things for myself that I’ve saved up because he didn’t budget appropriately. We have a child together that I basically fund solely on my own . Daycare. Preschool . Extra curriculars . Clothes . Etc. so it annoys me that I feel like I’m the single parent . I’m not saying he shouldn’t help his oldest but I think he should set boundaries . It makes me feel so resentful like if I’m doing everything for our kid I might as well be single and then not have to worry about funding another child who is never here or then picking up the slack of my husband because he doesn’t have the balls to say no to his daughter and bm

Show your support

Im in exact same position. Like last Halloween he wanted to spend more than 100 dollars on costumes for his other 2 when they aren't even around with us. Like first off Halloween costumes don't cost that much. And then he's saying he wants to throw his daughter a birthday party when we have her and im like no we don't need to shes already having a party there and it'll be months afterwords. Like that's no. And our money is together and he'll spend spend spend until there's nothing left and we're struggling to pay bills. And we have a 12 month old together. Like it's stupid idk where his head is. I'm with you he shouldn't be spending so much when we don't even see them over half the time. 🙄

@Brianna I feel bad I’m not against helping but I feel like boundaries should be set . It’s not fair .

I would tell him no to sending any money outside of child support.

@savage I’ve tried to find a balance for it all and I get where he’s coming from where he doesn’t want his daughter to lack anything but then it turns into a convo like who am I to tell him what to provide for his daughter you know . Then it’s frustrating that he only financially supports his oldest because he knows that I’m actually responsible and take care of our daughter . Not that I’m complaining about being responsible for my own but it’s frustrating being married and still feeling like I’m the single mom

Have you spoken to him about priorities? First comes the basics for the household and child support and if he has extra he can spend how he wants but if he doesn’t have extra then no extras for daughter. Part of him buying extra probably comes from guilt. Also make it clear (if you haven’t already) that it isn’t fair he doesn’t financially help his other children.

@Christina yes but he doesn’t understand it . He thinks that because I make money that he has the freedom to spend as he pleases because he has the comfort of knowing that our daughter and home will be taken care of . You’re probably right where he spends out of guilt then suddenly it’s me not understanding how hard it is for his kid to not be here full time etc . It’s a cycle . And I don’t know what to do

Do you have a joint account? If not maybe have a joint account that you both put money in and make a budget and tell him what he has to contribute each pay period. Maybe couples therapy if he really can’t get it.

Maybe that’s not a bad idea . I was always opposed to combining our income but I think maybe having that joint account can be beneficial so there’s transparency for how much our expenses are . Thank you for that suggestion

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