Tantrums and crying am I being out of line?
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I would send her an article about attachment theory, bowlby. Let her know that it’s not a bother to you and that’s the benefit to having an in home caregiver - that you get to see your daughter throughout the day. If you didn’t want that, you’d choose a family child care or center based child care. Ultimately you get to call the shots on whether or not you can save her and if she doesn’t like it, the two of you can part ways, amicably, for difference of caregiving styles.
Don't ever question yourself mama. Your child wanted a hug and kiss from you and that made her upset not only when she was told no but what sounds like aggressively told no too. She showed you today she can't handle a 2 year old.
I agree ^ “she showed you she can’t handle a two year old.” Honestly, if she was on her phone when she is supposed to be interacting with your little one (esp at this point during a full meltdown) then she does not seem interested in being a caregiver. I can’t believe she was comfortable being on her phone, when your daughter needed comfort and assurance. It sounds like this person has a different mindset when it comes to caregiving and I think you would be absolutely justified in finding someone who is a better fit for your family. The fact that she was mad enough she needed to leave due to you simply giving your daughter a hug/kiss is kind of crazy and absurd.
I’d look for another caregiver. I had one until 6 months ago before my daughter started daycare and I was always very careful to give them their space but also if my daughter was asking for me for something I wouldn’t hold back on poking my head in and explaining that they were going to play with my caregiver whilst I carried on working.
If my child, at any age, wanted a hug and a kiss before we separated for most of the morning/afternoon the answer is ALWAYS yes. And their sitter, who is pay, will not tell my child no to that request. I understand if you guys popping in and out upsets the toddler and then the nanny is left with having to care for serious tantrums. That can be a lot tondeal with multiple times a day. But if that's notbwhats happening then I don't understand why this is a hill she's willing to get fired on but okay haha bye nanny.
I would fire that caregiver
Ide look for a new caregiver. She’s there to help not make things worse. She’s also not there to take over you as the parent. A hug and a kiss before you leave for however long is most certainly not a request that could not have been given. She was way out of line in my opinion. And the coldness she showed towards your toddler who is clearly having a hard time is so not age appropriate and heartbreaking to hear.