Feeling guilty

Currently living with my parents because im a single mom. When my son was born, my parents were against me filing for child support etc. because they told me it would be lengthy and not worth the stress. Yet they want me to be sustainable on my own. My son’s father’s mother visited us for the first time when baby was 3 months old and my dad told her the reason why he’s not on the birth certificate is because we dont want to put him on child support and we really could have. So she was all like “oh thats nice of you guys blah blah blah” and tells her son (my BD) and hes like ya he’s so nice. That really irritated me because i know my dad loves to play the hero and the fact we were nice to her when she came to visit, my BD still did nothing to care for baby and would threaten to take my son away when things wouldnt go his way. He never paid a dime for baby. His mom couldnt even tell him to do better for the baby. I was tired of getting threaten, tired of being a single mom with no hope of surviving on my own with my son, tired of my own mother berating me because i have nothing, no money, no life, no man to help me. So i filed child support behind their back. Everything went my way and he still has no custody. My BD and his mom got mad when he got hit with court papers. My parents found out that i have to go to court and i lied to them saying hes the one that filed it. Eventually my dad and BD talked and he told my dad that i filed it. I still lied. 2 weeks after court was done and he has to pay child support which was less than $100, my BD and his mom came to visit. She didnt seem happy and he seemed scared. My parents at the time still didnt know i was the one that filed it. Now im feeling guilty and bad. And im scared to tell them even though i really want to. I dont want to hide this from them. I wasnt scared to tell them that i want to file for CS but when i did, they turned me down immediately. Which is why i resorted to doing it without telling them.