Sex life after baby

Hey ladies, im now about 18 months pp, i had quite a traumatic birth with a forced episiotomy (the doctor literally held my leg down to do it)… anyway my scar still gets really painful at times with just day to day activities, or if i wear certain knickers, and in certain positions when i do brave having sex, also when i do have sex nothing seems to work down their like it used to (really dry even when i use lube and i just hate the way my body looks now, bad stretch marks and deflated breastfeeding boobs! 😫) I also had a scare with a ‘chemical pregnancy’ and the combination of this has really put me off having sex with my partner, even though i do occasionally feel the urge to want to be intimate but by the time we get some alone time im so exhausted from chasing a feral toddler around all day and getting him To bed (hes still not sleeping through) that the urge disappears… My partners just opened up to me a bit more and said he really does miss being intimate, doesnt want to pressure me into anything, but kept saying how much he misses me and doesnt really want a intimate relationship with his hand anymore 🙈 I know he wasnt trying to make me feel bad, but its really got to me and making me feel even worse about the whole situation because i want to be like the old me (spontaneous, sexy, intimate) but i just dont even know where to start im so tired all the time Also having to use condoms as i dont get on with any of the pills, implants ect which also takes any spontaneity out of the situation… i really need some advice on how to get back to normal or improve a episiotomy scar 🤞🤞😫

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Hey, this sounds so upsetting for you and I'm sorry you had to go through what you have with the episiotomy, that's horrendous. Have you contacted a doctor and spoke to them about the discomfort you've been experiencing? They may be able to refer you to a specialist or offer some sort of treatment to help with any pain, etc. Maybe experiment with a different lubricant? I really like the YES brand as I feel like it feels the most natural. Maybe buy some lingerie and wear it just for yourself (even just under normal clothes) for a little to reconnect with your new body! Therapy might be a good thing for you too to help you work through the birth trauma, self-image and chemical pregnancy. I'd also let your partner know how you're feeling and your experience, he sounds understanding, so maybe ask him for some support to help you through this difficult time!

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I am at a similar point in my post partum recovery. However I had a 3rd degree tear from the midwife insisting i get out the pool and deliver on my back. It's has meant we have only attempted being intimate maybe 3 times since giving birth and I keep getting comments like well we don't so that anymore do we... and an infuriating eye roll. I know my partner has been so patient with me but I am also getting the sense that he wishes things would change but it just hurts there now. I have been reffered to a pelvic floor Physiotherapist. So along with exercises to help strengthen the area they have also suggested some light massage stretching the area again which I know sound aweful but it has obviously healed with alot of scar tissue both from the tear and then the stitches to repair. I also have this image in my head of maybe they put in an aweful husband stitch but I have no way of proving it which again is infuriating.

@Troy So sorry you were handled that way when you were vulnerable, I'll be adding that to my list of things I won't be pushed into, if I'm getting in that pool, I won't be getting out unless it's an emergency! I just wanted to suggest a dilation kit? Before I became sexually active with my partner I was always on the tighter side and remember seeing so many dilation kits that looked like they'd be such a good idea for getting used to sex again but at your own pace. Also sorry about your partner's childish response, it's really upsetting to hear partners not understanding the actual repercussions of childbirth. This used to kill women. They ought to be grateful they still have loving, alive partners at the end of it all.

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