I just want a friend 💔

After I loss someone very important to me, I feel like I’m so emotional about everything and my friends are understanding but they don’t understand at the same time.. I don’t say or do anything impulsive. My emotions are just high I guess.. I feel all my friends slipping away and I don’t say much to anyone because well.. if it’s more than one person who doesn’t wanna be involved with me then I guess I must be the issue.. I just wish I knew how to socialize to the point where I was naturally liked/loved. I felt that at one point in time but not so much anymore and I hate it.