Advice

he’s acting like a child

Wow! I actually have no words! He sounds very unappreciative, not sure I could be with someone like that. There’s nothing else you can do, just leave him to it, ignore him, don’t apologise and just let him have his sulk.

Ridiculous and he needs to grow up. I think I saw your previous post whereby he told you he didn’t want anything and asked for the shopping trip later on the year is that right? In future I feel like he’ll learn to say what he really wants and means. If he wanted a fuss for his birthday he should have said so (even though I feel like he already has been made a fuss of by way of going out and gifts from the children). For that reason I would leave him to sulk. However you even made him a goody bag and he’s still acting like an ungrateful child? I don’t really have any advice and I know it’s not me living in the atmosphere at home. But I really would not pander to it otherwise I feel like this is what he’s going to do every time he wants to control a situation. If he wants to sleep on the sofa let him. If he wants to sulk let him. Treat him like the child he is acting and you carry on as normal as if you don’t care. He’ll get over himself eventually. Meanwhile you deserve better!

Wow, this is vile behaviour from a grown ass man! My son is 15 and even he understands how to be humble and grateful! Your boyfriend is acting like a right spoilt brat. This would give me major ick, to the point I'd be questioning this relationship. To be arguing over this for 3 weeks is just ridiculous!

@Emily Yes, very ungrateful indeed. Instead of owning it, he’s deflecting / projecting onto me, calling me ungrateful for returning a bday gift he gave me. A gift given to me, is mine. Therefore I can do as and what I please with it.

I’d let him sulk to be honest. What a childish and ungrateful man he is!

@Louise Yep, we had a 3 hrs argument yesterday where he attempted to get me to kiss his arse, & apologise??!. I told him no, & that he’s a bully, very accusery, using passive aggressive behaviour to try & control, demean me. I’ve been with this guy just over 2 years, & I never ever thought he had this side to him. Quite shocking, appalling tbh.

@Rebecca Mentally, I’ve checked out. I’m not prepared to be someone’s battering rod because they’re sulking after not receiving a physical gift on their bday. Even my nephew, who is 6, wouldn’t behave in this manner.

@Danielle Yes, that’s correct. He’s sulking that he didn’t get a physical gift, & that I should have known he wanted one! I said to him but we had a discussion on what he wanted & we settled on the shopping trip. He did tell me about some things AFTERWARDS that he’d like but I dished that out amongst his family, as I was not prepared to spend nearly £600 on things. I’m on maternity leave, with my salary about to cut in half! I told him this but he does not care in the slightest! (I sold my car earlier in the week of his bday, and I felt pressured to sell it. So I think that ££ he wanted me to blow it all on him which I said nope that’s going towards the nursery fees. Yep, I even went out and got some things, and he told me yesterday that he does not want it. So I dunno…I’m just going to continue with my own life, look after the children, and let him sulk because it is mentally exhausting dealing with a man child!

Gosh, reading all your updates, I honestly think you are better without him!

@Emily I’ve mentally checked out! I’m just waiting for him to take himself out my house! I’m not going to jump because he’s a narcissistic man, who is/will change the narrative and make out like I am the problem. It’s not me, it’s him! He was with a woman for 15 years (married for 10). He told me things about her which I thought were horrendous. Given how he’s behaved and treated me over the last 3 wks (this isn’t the 1st), I’m beginning to think that he has not been honest, and told me EVERYTHING that happened during that marriage!

Why are you waiting for him to leave? It's YOUR house, tell the trash to take itself out! What a fucking loser he is, eww

That’s disgusting. You’ve mentioned you’ve sold your car, was that his idea or yours? As it does appear that he expects the money to be spent on him. Please tell me he is helping with the finances whilst you’re on maternity? That’s fine if he doesn’t want them then return them and let him sulk about that too! You and your child are more important and with your maternity being cut you can’t afford to waste anything on an ungrateful overgrown baby. To me it sounded as though he said he wanted the shopping trip later on so he could see what gifts he got from you on the day, and then add to it with your car money! Arsehole. Also just to add - nursery fees he can pay half!! When he leaves change the locks and take him CMS. It seems all he cares about is money and I feel that if he’s this spiteful now he won’t help out willingly financially if you split.

@Danielle I was going to sell it anyway, as I’ve got two children, and it was no longer fit for purpose. So eventually it was going to be sold anyway. But the haste in which he wanted my car sold, and gone, made me think he wants the ££, or for me to blow a 4 figure sum on his bday, which I made very clear wasn’t happening. Yes, he is paying half of everything. There’s no way I’d let him remain in the house & he not contribute financially. I was undecided whether to return to work early and take the full 12 months. He says he will cover ALL costs in the house. However I don’t want my financial independence to be taken away from me. Plus my house.So for that I am leaning towards returning to work early. Not sure I made myself clear - the trainers were a gift HE gave to me for my bday. He was in a mood, sulking, ignoring me so couldn’t talk to him. So of my own accord I returned the trainers. That’s one of the reasons he sulking! To me, it’s MY gift therefore I can do as I please.

@Danielle ..but according to him, I had to talk to him first before returning the trainers!! It’s all power & control! Yep, nursery fees I’ve said we’re going halves as I’m not saddling the brunt of that on my small salary. He’s a very materialistic man even though he denies it. He’s obsessed with himself, asks me all the time how does he look before going out, & quite frankly I’m tired of it. Eventually he will go of his own accord when he realises that he cannot bully, control & manipulate me. He got me twice before (when I was heavily pregnant, & only a few wks PP. It’s not happening again.

@Rebecca that saying waiting for the trash to take itself out! He’s playing games, so playing him @ his own game. Being smart & not kicking him out, as he will tell people I kicked him out, because that’s what he does - makes up stories in his head and plays the victim in the whole of this.

Ahh ok as long as he didn’t make you sell the car and he is supporting you financially. The least he could do! And I agree they were a gift to you, you can do with them as you please. He does sound very materialistic which is why I mentioned to make sure he supports you financially. Go you!! It sounds like you really have had enough and he can’t push you a round anymore. He is going to wake up one morning and have a huge shock to his system. You deserve so much better and you will find it, just need this loser to disappear first!! Xx

You both sound incredibly childish 😂 why do couples behave like this towards each other and think it’s normal?! Move on or move out I say!

Sounds like another child, not a husband

@Francesca Please elaborate on how I’m childish? I’ve done my upmost best to try & talk to him to thrash out the issue but I’m met with a wall of silence. When a man isn’t talking to you, ignoring you, continues to sulk over not receiving a physical present (he’s in his mid 40s by the way), that screams childish! I know it’s not normal, hence trying to sort out the issue with him. I never grew up seeing my parents like this, and it is not what I want for my children, HENCE being thr bigger person and trying to sort things out. I can’t move out because…it’s MY house!

@Incognito tricky one. Have you tried marriage counselling? It will help with communication and how to deal with confrontation and sulking. Which I agree is incredibly annoying!!! Decide what your end goal is and that is your focus. If he doesn’t want to attend with you then that is red flags for nothing is going to change and he doesn’t want it to regardless