Am I being reasonable here?

My husband and I sold our 1 bedroom flat a few months ago for a 3 bedroom house. I will be honest our budget was tight due to him being the only one working. I wasn’t a fan of a project house but my husband thought it would be fun and the value of the house will double once we have done all the work. I knew it needs a bit of work and brought this up a few times before we exchanged and told my husband we could pull out before it was too late. Well a few months after leaving in the new house… I absolutely hate it with a passion. These is way too much work needed as the previous owners thought it was a good idea to do his own DIY so once all furniture was pulled back there was a lot of issues. We’ve found multiple holes on the walls and floors that require fixing so it’s safe for our toddler. Main doors and windows broken that literally won’t close. The places was absolutely disgusting with pets weee and hairs everywhere. We spoke to the neighbors and they were asking how we were getting on as they were aware of disgusting the old owners were and how terrible the guys DIY jobs were. I was even more mortified to find out by the estate agent that they were being a new born baby in to this mess. My husband works a very high demanding job so is constantly busy and he realises how expensive is it to sort this house up. He had a fully breakdown to the point his mum had to come support us for a few weeks to help us out. I’ve hit the point where I don’t think this place is worth it anymore as it’s affecting his mental health but his refusing to admit it. I’ve found houses that are cheaper than our current one but are in way better condition… basically new build houses and I suggested to him that we sell up in a few months and find something less work. We are already living in boxes as we can’t set up anything due to the condition of the house not being ready or semi- liveable. I’ve had enough of the tension it’s causing between and am not the project type so he knew this would all fall on him as we can’t afford to pay people to do work.

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well you have a house now but I would just make him do the work since he got the house without consulting you

@Marie we spoke about the house situation before we brought it even during the process but he was determined… this was the one. He works long hours and even 7 days a week at a time so this house isn’t going to get done unless his free which is rarely!

do you think you’d be able to find a buyer?

The problem you have is that buying another house isn’t cheap. You’ve got surveys, solicitor’s fees, mortgage fees, moving fees, and - now that you’re not longer a first time buyer - possibly stamp duty as well. Plus new builds are notoriously riddled with issues because a lot of developers are scum and just throw those houses up. You should sit down and do the calculation: would it actually be cheaper to move or cheaper to make the house liveable. Don’t forget, buying a smaller, cheaper house also puts you down a rung on the equity ladder, whereas selling a house that you’ve renovated will move you up. I know from experience what it’s like to renovate an absolute fucking money pit, but I’m definitely glad that I did it in the end.

@Sharon I’m fully aware of all this as this is our 3rd time going through the buying and selling process and doing it again would be our 4th! And the reason I want to go for something cheaper is so that our deposit and fees can all come from the equity of the current house.

@Marie no we won’t need it as my plan was to part-exchange the house for a new one

Doing up a house can be so rewarding, but it’s a hard slog. Can you help out at all? It’s amazing what you can learn on YouTube or TikTok. I’m not sure if you’re looking after children, or what but you’ll both benefit if you can all muck in. Selling will be hard, you will incur thousands of fees and stamp duty and lose so much. I’d advise to make good as much as you can with the current house - focus on cleaning, you can live with old decor etc. if you can spend a year doing what you can and living room to room you might either change your mind or make money on it. Can you give him a break from it? If he spends every waking hour because of pressure he will run himself into the ground. Is there really a rush? Take a step back and do this slowly. Don’t make the wrong decision- being in an awful financial situation AND living in a smaller house could also be negative on you all xx

We did something similar. The backyard in ground pool (already broken up) is currently full of demo trash, and they had a bunch of outdoor dog kennels, some underground, that we have to dig out. There's an 70ft tree that has to be removed ($6k) and one day I literally had 3 doorknobs pull off the door. We went 4 mo without a water heater last winter. It needs to be repainted this summer. All in all, this house needs probably another 20k and I can't even use the background for our son at all as it's a giant hazard. My husband also works crazy hours and we're expecting another baby soon. But we are stuck with this house for probably the rest of our lives. I focused on where I spend the most time: kitchen, living room, bathroom and fixed up those first. Carpeted the living room and got new kitchen appliances. It'll take time. But hating it won't accomplish anything either. I guess I'm just here in solidarity. Literally every aspect of our house needs work too.

Yeah i think you already know the proper answer and what is best for your family. no one wants to live in boxes

It doesn't sound like he has the time to fix it up and it's not doing either of your mental health's any good. My parents moved into a doer upper when I was 6 months and they only finished getting the house how they wanted it when I was like 26. The house didn't have ceilings, needed rewiring, no carpets, have a water pipe going through half the house, the last owners had drawn weird love notes all over the walls. Not sure how my mum didn't loose it with a 5, 3 year old and a 6 month old.

The problem you have is that you can't afford to get people in to do the work, but your husband clearly doesn't have the time to do it either. My ex spent every weekend renovating our house for the best part of a year, it was hard slog, but he loved it and we had the money. If you can't afford to do it and don't have the time, then I'd personally sell it and move on.

Is there anything within the house that you could slowly do yourself during the day? Like stripping walls back, sanding and repainting, plasterboarding etc?

@Francesca no I tried painting one of the room and it was impossible with my toddler. We originally planned for both of us to do work together and it’s just not doable with our little one… she constantly wants our attention and I think it’s only because she’s still getting used to the new environment

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