Partner not ‘helping’

This is definitely not right. You have got to be firm about your needs too. Else burnout will set in real fast and that's not good for anyone. Also, not feeding your kid or your postpartum spouse are big red flags that you should never put up with.

I’m sorry your going through this first I want to say no judgment at all from me I’m glad you know this is not right and not how you should be treated I’m not sure what you should do but I’ll tell you what I would do I would immediately take him to court for child support not let him sleep in the same room with me and save up some money and just get out of there since he won’t leave or if he’s not on the lease I would go to court and start the eviction process you don’t have to make it hostile just clear that you won’t except this type of behavior from a grown man refusing to do his part as a father stay strong you got this oh and if he tries to make things hostile document everything

He's going out and you can't get a shower in without him undoing a lock and leaving the baby with you. No. N. O. NO! Slamming doors and calling you names is just unacceptable. It sucks and it's hard, and he should be the one to go if he can't handle it, but since he won't, it's better to just leave. How were things when it was just your 2yo? Is it having a baby in the house that's setting him off? Is it just being off work and home all the time? Is there something with his family that is making it hard to cope? You don't deserve to be treated this way, and also, this may be a temporary thing that you are able to work through.... but also maybe not. There is nothing to be humiliated by here, though. His bad behavior is not your fault. ❤️

You know most don't help I exclusively breastfed so I guess it didn't bother me as much because he couldn't breastfeed but yeah he could've helped with chores or cooked or something lol idk 🤷 my guess is as good as yours why they don't help and only fuss when you ask them too but at least know you're not alone with Time though my guy has become more helpful we're on number three now but he was dog crap help with the first child it was a trial by fire and he was useless 😆

If ur not happy with him and if he doesn’t respect you and help you out then find somewhere safe for u and the kids

Firstly, I am so sorry you’re being treated like that. Nobody deserves that treatment & it’s not normal! It takes 2 people to make a baby and he isn’t your boss so you shouldn’t have to “ask” him to leave the house or have basic hygiene by showering. I’m so mad even hearing this. Do you have family or friends you could stay with while you get on your feet? If you explain the situation they may understand & let you stay while things are sorted. Then maybe start down a legal route, try to get free legal advice. If you’re in the UK we have Citizens Advice you can get free legal help from. I would research what help there is for single parents in your area, women’s shelters, and free legal advice. You deserve better than this ❤️

Sounds like you be less frustrated being a single mum . As your operating like one anyway . To not help out at all is unacceptable

He sounds horrific!! I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this :( a partner should want to make their other halves life easier! You’re meant to be team so he sounds very lazy, nasty and self centred My partner works full time whilst I’m on maternity and he does half the night shift, equal amounts of the housework and looking after baby when he’s not working. I just don’t get some men’s mentality, I don’t care if they’re working all day, you’re also working all day with the kids? (He does realise if you didn’t do it he’d have to pay someone else because it’s literally a job?) so you need a break! I also appreciate how much my partner does for us so equally I need to give him breaks too I do wonder why so many men bother having kids when they don’t like anything that comes with it? Also, If you go back to work then who is expected to look after the kids and do all the housework then? I doubt he’d step up then either 🙄 you shouldn’t ever have to ask to have a shower

Or anything, I just say to my partner ‘I’m planning on going out for lunch with the girls on Saturday without Luca’ and he says yeah that’s fine - he then does the same to me and we have mutual respect that we’re not going to take the piss with it but are both entitled to our own time! I’m not judging you at all just feeling very sad for you that you have to go through this and I just hope you know it’s definitely not right or okay :( 🩷

Leave. Don’t waste your time with someone who is disrespecting both you and your children. Life is short and you won’t want to look back and think you wasted it with him. Get out and live a happy life with your children.

I agree with everyone saying leave. If not for you, for your children. They look up to our relationship to see how they should be treated and how they should treat others. I know you don’t want your 2 year old turning out like him. He should not be controlling if you can leave the house or shower. That is abusive. I don’t know if you’re US or UK based, but either way there are so many resources to help you get on your feet. You deserve better. I’m so sorry you’re going through this

If he was my man he would be long gone but no judgement just the truth. Ain't no amount of advice from random people will fix him either. The only thing you can do is adjust because this is the guy you chose to be with and have children with. He's not gonna change but YOU CAN

Thanks for all your advice and comments idk why I posted I was feeling frustrated and trapped and wasn’t sure if it was normal or toxic, reading the comments has helped x

@Honey thanks for your message, I’ve tried being firm but it just backfires gunna focus more on me than him and act like a single mum and see how it goes x

@jaxx thanks for the message, at times I want to be separate but other times I feel the love is strong and stay, do you think it’s okay to stay?

Hey OP if you ever need someone to talk to just to see if something is normal or not my inbox is always open! I wish you the best of luck! 🫶🏻

@Bonny this is the tricky thing because baby no.1 he was stay at home dad I was in uni and we lived at his mums and he would just get on with it. But baby no.2 and moving out it’s all on me coz he works full time x

@Jo that makes sense but I’ve got a toddler too so in my head I think he could take the toddler out and leave me either newborn to bond and chill but maybe I’m expecting too much x

@Cass I love that that’s how I want it to be 50/50 I don’t like leaving the kids much anyway but just sometimes need a shower or to clear my head thanks for your message I tried this today but my bf and kids joined maybe coz he was bored idk gunna see if he will let me go to the gym do I get my alone time x

@Sophie thanks for the message I think part of me wants to but it’s what I know and I do love him it’s hard to know what’s normal x

Oh he could definitely do better to help out 💯 but I highly doubt he will soon it took about 7 years of being together for my guy to even start acting like any kind of adult I Don't know why boys get raised to be adult babies my mom didn't do that with her sons but lots of folks let men grow up unpleasant and unable to do much for a house hold

@Jo exactly maybe it’s ‘normal’ in this society and I’m asking for too much, thanks for the message x

You're not asking for too much leave the kids with him go out get coffee now and then so he can understand how hard it is he needs a reality kick in the butt

He just said he didn’t want a second child if he had to do any night feeds…. Think it’s time to leave

I can’t really tell you if it’s right to stay I can only tell you what I would do no matter if the love is strong at times if he’s not consistently showing love and taking care of the kids with me I could not be with someone like that I think every child deserves to feel loved just like when I hear a man say he had to babysit his own kids no you had to take care of your kids I would honestly leave because I couldn’t be with someone who treats the kids as a burden eventually I would find someone who would love me and my kids unconditionally I know a few moms who have had to leave and eventually found partners that were amazing to them and their kids

Have you thought about calling his mom to say you are concerned about him? Maybe ask her if he relied on her a lot the first time time around. Did you move far, and could she come help? The first few months with two kids is rough on everybody, but it does generally get better...