in October 2025 Babies 🇺🇸

Disappointment & Resentment (Gender, StepKid, First Time Mom)

I am pregnant with my first baby. We just found out it’s a boy. My husband is over the moon. I, on the other hand, am more shattered than I ever thought I’d be. We want to have a second, and if our second isn’t a girl, I am not sure I’ll be able to cope. I have a bonus daughter already, she’s 8 now and I’ve been in her life since she was 5. We are very close, but at the end of the day, I’m not her mom. I’m not the parent who gets to do prom dress shopping, or wedding planning, or any of the perks of being “girl mom”….I love her like my own, but the reality is, she’s not. I also struggle because since bonus kiddo exists, so many dominos of disappointment have fallen. Neither my nor my husbands mom gets to be called the variation of “grandma” they prefer (that was a really tough conversation with them). Picking a name for baby boy is proving to be very difficult, because all the names I love (and have loved since before I married) are either too similar to hers or are already connected to her in some way. I can’t be openly excited about this baby, because my husbands ex is extremely high conflict, has already violated HIPAA to even find out I’m pregnant, and has already made threats to me and baby boy, so I feel like I need to tiptoe. I love my bonus daughter, but because she exists, this pregnancy, this baby, just feels like one disappointment after another. I will love my boy regardless, he’s my baby, but I am mourning the loss of being able to have all those “girl mom” moments, and frankly a lot of the “first time mom” joys, and trying not to resent my husband for his existing child (NOTE: I don’t resent bonus kiddo, she is just as much a victim, it’s not like she asked for this life). Anyone else have step children that would want to connect? First time babies when you are already raising a child is a different animal.

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I have a 15 year old stepson, been in his life since he was 5. I also have a 7 month old son. He has always spent 50% of his week with us / 50% with his mum. I always thought I’d want a little girl and now I have a little boy I wouldn’t change anything for the world. My stepson is brilliant with his brother and also has two little sisters at his mums. Everything will work out and your step daughter will love her baby brother

I don't have a stepchild, but gender disappointment is real and valid. For me personally, I didn't care that my first was a boy, BUT I do understand the feelings of possibly never being a girl mom. I struggled with infertility for years and lost 3.The one I got furthest with after my son was a boy, and we lost him at 16w. I had the same feelings you had, and then I just felt guilt once we lost him. After that, I just figured we would be one and done because that's what God's plan was, obviously. I now have my miracle girl who is 18 months old. We figured after her we were most certainly done, and I'd never be able to get pregnant again anyway, with all the previous struggle.Now I'm pregnant with twin boys, lol. Since we are having them, I really wanted a girl to give her a sis. I'm just saying all this because while I know it doesn't relate to your story, you never know what life has planned for you, and while hard to understand, it's also not on our time. It will all work out just the way it's supposed to!

In same boat. I have an 8 yr old SD also and just like you I'm pregnant also. This is my second and last pregnancy and cant really stop myself from being a little disappointed that my second is gonna be a boy also. 🫤 I'm done having children after this one so I'm completely devastated even though I wanted another boy for my baby boy, I'm still mourning the loss of being a "girl mom". Like you said, i won't be picking out prom dresses or showing how to do makeup or doing her hair bc I'll have 2 boys. And while I love my SK, honestly if we didn't have them we would try for maybe a third but bc my husband has 2 other kids with his ex wife that's just not a thing. So yeah, I totally get where the resentment comes from bc I feel the same way some times. I just have to remind myself that my boys are gonna be great friends together and grow up close since they'll only be a year apart.

I have a 12-year-old stepdaughter and have been in her life since she was 2 years old. My husband and I raise her full time, and she sees her mom a couple times per year. I’m currently 16 weeks into my first pregnancy. We don’t know the gender yet, but I’m secretly hoping for a girl as well. I totally understand how being pregnant while having a stepchild is a unique experience and would be happy to connect if you need a space to chat about it!

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