in April 2025 Babies 🇬🇧

Red flags 🚩

Looking for some advice from other new mummas.. I had baby a week ago today via c section and was completely surprised when I was in the recovery room and my partner advised me his dad was waiting outside in the car park, desperate to come in. He was asking to come in before we had even been given the clear from recovery, as my partner said no he actually asked if he could bring the baby outside to see him (I still couldn’t move my body at this point and amongst the madness I was pretty calm about it and just said no). Anyway he said he wasn’t leaving until he saw the baby and although we advised it’s not happening and visiting hours are now over he said he was waiting at reception, that wasn’t true and they were open for another hour. Anyway he did eventually leave but has been relentless to my partner who has made every excuse under the sun as to why he cannot visit the hospital (short 24 hr stay) and why he cannot visit the home so far. The day after she was born I sent him a message to say that I appreciate he is excited to see her, as are we, but we will not be having any visitors for the next week atleast and we will 100% bring her over to his house to meet as soon as we can, this didn’t deter him at all and he has ignored the message and continued to pester my partner. He calls every single day begging my partner to come around the house and asks if other family members have visited (answer is always no), yesterday I become sick of it and felt the need to send another message to be clear. I don’t feel like he was respecting our privacy or boundaries at all and clearly doesn’t care about my wellbeing or us bonding as a family. In the message I explained yet again no other family member or friend has seen the baby (I have concerns he is competing to see the baby first) and that we will be in touch when we are ready so he can see her. I also said please do not turn up at the house uninvited like he did at the hospital as this will push me away further. With that he called my partner and laid on the pity party about how he’s just desperate to see her and I’ve really upset him by sending this message. He’s made no effort to respond or apologise to me and actually sent screenshots of the message to my partner, putting stress on him and ruining our time together as a family because it’s clearly all about him and his feelings right now. As I lay awake tonight, I feel traumatised by his erratic behaviour and honestly a little scared. I don’t know my FIL very well, I only see him 1/2 times per year and now feel super uncomfortable for him to meet her let alone the thought of him holding her. Am I being dramatic or am I in the right here? I’ve clearly been blessed with family and friends that respect my boundaries and I truly appreciate those who are being supportive from the sidelines here, that’s one good thing to come out of this 🙏

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Is this his first grandchild? He may just be really excited? My partner’s family saw our son the day we came home but it was only a short 5 min visit as they were so excited to meet their first grandson/nephew. After that they gave us all the time we needed and waited until we asked them to come round again. My brother was also the same he wanted to come to the hospital to meet his first nephew but we wasn’t allowed visitors. I think he might just be really excited and is forgetting you need time to rest. We also face timed family rather than having them come over the first few days x

@Krystle absolutely he is really excited and I did feel bad about that at first but I just updated my post to say that I don’t really know the guy (see him around 1/2 times per year) and have explained other factors as to why it’s not suitable for him to visit the house right now (me recovering from C section and our two dogs not coping well with the new arrival).

No, you're not being dramatic. You respectfully laid down your boundaries and he isn't listening. Honestly, when my son was born I even found it difficult to hand him to my partner, I was so protective. Go with your instinct, keep your boundaries and when you are ready he can meet his grandchild. If he has an issue, then that's his issue and not your responsibility to pander to. You and your baby are the important people here. As above maybe he's just excited but that's not an excuse to keep pushing imo especially when you've been very clear.

Oh wow 1/2 times per year? I can understand why now. I had family members want to come and visit who I rarely talk to. I did let them come but I wish I didn’t. I haven’t heard from them in over a year now 😅 hope you are recovering well? I have 2 little dogs who struggled when we first came home, don’t worry they will soon get used to things. One of my dogs used to cry when our son cried and the other used to hide but it doesn’t phase them at all now x

God this sounds like my ex’s mom and her mom… nightmare.

You are not being dramatic. The way I see it is, if your baby catches anything that would make them ill, will your partners dad be there in the middle of the night to soothe your child. The answer is no! And theres also not much you can do as youre still recovering. To others its being selfish, to you, its being prepared. So everyone can sit still and wait or get on with it and wait til youre ready. I say this because we had to lay down this rule to my MiL weeks and months in advanced and it got heated at one point. My mother on the other hand was the one who voluntarily said, she will wait for 2 weeks before seeing her first grandchild as she knows what it takes to recover and adjust. Plus, she respects our boundaries! This is just the beginning Momma, keep making that boundary clear and dont back down.

I see both sides. I get his excitement, especially if this is his first grandchild, however you have boundaries and have communicated them. They need to be respected. That is where he is in the wrong. You are perfectly within your right to set the boundaries you have, whether you've met him once or twice or were really good friends. You have just given birth and you are settling into your new normal. Your hormones and emotions will be all over the place as you adapt to your new family. If you don't want anyone visiting then that's okay. ❤️

I don’t think you’re being dramatic, he is being really strange. I would feel the same. However just because you only see him 1/2 times a year doesn’t take away that he’s your partners dad and this is also your partners experience so if you’re worried about his dad maybe have a conversation with your partner about what kind of man he is so maybe your partner can give some sort of insight to why his dad is acting this way

You’re not been dramatic at all, I had to stop reading and continue a little later because I was getting myself stressed. What I would do, it I see you could do, it’s to arrange a visit giving the day an the times and at the same time arrange with someone you fully trust ( mum, sister, whomever) to come same day same time to help you with him if you think you and your partner deal with him and be ready to act and kick him out when it’s time. How does that sound? It’s just an idea of course! We’ve got you mama!

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