I want to get a divorce

After having a baby, we are not the same. He doesnt help to take care of the baby. When I asked him to watch the baby, he complained first. But I said I would take the baby to my mom cause I cannot do this all by myself anymore, so he started to watch him for one or 2 hours then I had to take care of LO the rest of the day. Or when we eat out, I am the only one who minds the baby if he wakes up ( he is 4 months old so we put him in the pram). Taking care of the baby is hard, and he is not patient, so he just leaves him for me. He does all the chores and takes care of getting food, but when his mom comes to help, he leaves them to her. But I dont like it cause she might judge me. When we were frustrated because the LO was crying for no reason, he yelled at me, I yelled at him, it turned into chaos. He called me “idiot”, or “see you in hell” or “you are a nasty person”. One time we went out, someone mocked me and he didnt have my back. I felt unprotected from him. He doesnt want to go out with my family which makes me not to want to meet his family. He doesnt put me or the baby as a priority, cause if his friend asks him to have dinner, he will not hesitate to leave us home, without asking me. I feel like he is nice to other people but with me, he put me down so he can be a better person. I feel so down and little. Im not a perfect wife but I dont think I deserve to be treated like this. He was so much better when we were dating. Now he disrespects me and I feel so drained when talking to him. However, I dont want a divorce but if he doesnt change the way he talks to me, I dont think I can live like this forever. Ps: yes I discussed with him how I felt. He changed for a couple of weeks than back to it

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Communication is key in relationships. Putting a baby in the mix adds some stress to any relationship. Maybe he feels since he does all the house chores that the baby is fully your responsibility? My husband is the sole provider in our household, so I am at home with baby all day, but when he gets home, he takes her for the rest of the day. And I do mostly all the cooking/cleaning. Maybe switching things up at home might help and get him involved with taking care of baby. But if you're not happy and things don't change, then they won't ever change. Remember, baby deserves a happy momma

Hi sweet, it sounds quite frustrating. I did notice your post said you want a divorce as the heading. And you finished it with you don’t want a divorce. I feel you’re gonna maybe have to try again communicating what you need as i don’t think you’re quite ready to quit. Also as frustrating as it is, you want to be in the position that if you do get a divorce, you first did everything you could to not let it reach that point. At least then you can walk away with no regret, head held high. Ultimately though, you gotta do whats best for you and that baby.

Maybe if you helped with chores and food he would step up more? He can’t do absolutely everything?

Couples therapy.

@Mama A he actually can if he truly wanted to. My husband works 15+ hr days 3-5x a week and when he is home he cares for our daughter about 90% of the time. He also does all the household chores like laundry, mopping, sweeping, dusting pretty much everything except cook (only cuz he doesn’t know how but I’m teaching him so he has been like once a week) he waters my garden and looks after our cats. If her husband actually cared about her he would help more.

Sorry that’s my life he doesn’t care,i feel like i need to abort this pregnancy,If you don’t mind can we be friends

@Karissa he doesnt initiate to take care of the baby until I ask him. Yes he thinks he does everything of the house then the baby is my job. But you dont do chores 24/7. A newborn needs attention and he is quite clingy almost all day. In my perspective, I feel like he needs to step up more. Oh he has parental leave so he can stay home to help but seems like its better for him to go to work so I can feel like its reasonable for him not to take care of the baby. I think because Im exhausted, I nag more and he is frustrated and we just say things to hurt each other. I did say he is stupid too and I wont have another baby with you. Ugh it sucks

@Elisha yes I dont want to get a divorce, because I want the baby has a dad. He is not also a bad person, he always asks what I want for dinner so he could buy for me and he does what I ask him but he cannot initiate to do things, and of course he complains first. Thats why I feel hesitated to ask him to do anything because I dont want to hear complaints around the baby. I know when we argued, it was just a moment and we went back to normal. But the moment happens repeatedly and Im tired. You are right. Did I try my best to be in this relationship? No. But he is the one who put me in this position. Idk what to do now. So lost but also so busy to fix this rn

@Vanessa you are so lucky to have a considerate and understanding husband

@Jacky hi Jacky, have you discussed with him ab the abortion yet? I think he should know it first

Yes but he refused yet i’m going through hell,if i don’t even wake up earlier or i over slept then he left to work without me knowing he will throw word on me,calling me bitch woman i’m just not happy yet i’ve two kids of my own i don’t want to risk again coz i don’t see hopes here everyday mostly friday saturday sunday we have to fight,sometimes he will just play his games all night all day

@Jacky im sr to hear this. I’d not know what to do if I were you. Of course its not acceptable for him to call you the b word. Can you get support from any centre or community at all? I also feel like abortion is a really big deal and could cause a trauma later on

@Vanessa so wtf do you do then? What do you contribute to the relationship if he’s working and doing everything? That’s not a flex, it’s being lazy asf and making your man do everything. If roles were reversed then women would be screaming right now how lazy the man was and to leave him.

@Mama A haha maybe ask questions first before u judge. I have chronic health problems like arthritis, fibromyalgia, degenerative bone disease, plus way more. I literally just had surgery on my back yesterday for my pain. I do help with bills sometimes depending on if he will let me or not. He believes he’s the man so he should be providing. So wat do I do? I take care of our daughter when he isn’t home I cook and do some dishes when my body allows me. I have offered to hire a nanny and a maid yet my husband says it’s a waste of money when he’s perfectly able to do it. Maybe your ok with being disrespected and maybe u don’t no your worth. U should do some inner work to help u with your issues. Have the day u deserve. I’m done talking to u 😉

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