Have you cheated on your partner.

I don't know what it is for other people but for me it was never because I didn't love my partner. I just didn't love myself.

In my younger days I have. I learned then that my needs weren’t being met and I needed to vocalize them because people aren’t mind readers. I also learned if you try and you’re silenced even if it’s done politely (that’s a whole other story) that that’s when you need to leave. I will admit the cheating fell into my lap. I didn’t go out looking for it. A texting or verbal conversation with a friend suddenly became flirty ones that suddenly lead to us hanging out alone more often which turned into the full blown cheating. I was a late teen/early 20 adult when this happened, so frontal lobe was not fully developed. Once I learned the actual root cause of the issue I changed it hasn’t been an issue because I actually addressed the root cause.

When I first got with my husband my abusive ex had just went to jail, I was still talking to him in jail for a few months. My life was in shambles. I was a mess. I have no other reason.

Do you girls think it’s a personal thing for cheating and not because of the other person ?

For me. It had everything to do with what was going on with me and nothing to do with my then boyfriend. Granted I also think emotionally cheating the first two months you’re dating someone vs being married with a family and sleeping with someone are completely different scenarios.

When I was younger during the Covid pandemic I lived with my ex and of course because of the bubble situation I couldn’t even move away back to my parents and couldn’t afford to Leave. I wanted to Love him but he spent ALL day playing league of legends, a video game on the computer. While he maintained his relationship to computer games I was bored and lonely and would message a couple guys who paid attention to me online. I craved the attention and despite many times asking my ex for it, he chose the Games except for my birthday where his Literal “present” to me was his computer being Off for that day. I’m married now to a great man who shows me affection every time I ask. He’s the opposite to my ex. I would never cheat on him as I know it would hurt him and I care about him too much to do that. Whereas with my ex I felt as though he couldn’t care less if I chatted and flirted with other men.

Usually. For me the other person was giving me what I was lacking in my relationship and didn’t realize was the issue. It was nice to have the attention for lack of a better word of someone again. It wasn’t about the other person over him looks wise or anything like that. It was the other person was putting effort into me and he wasn’t. My bf at the time was very much the I’ve got her she’s mine she’s not going anywhere I don’t have to keep dating her type and it ended up killing us. If he’d been doing all the talking and hanging out with me (we were long distance and he rarely called or talked to me or came to visit) I honestly think we would have never split.

@Katie this! My ex in question in my comments was big on WoW another video game. I even offered to get a gaming laptop and learn to play so I could play with him long distance and we could spend time that way even if it was virtual. He told me not to because I wouldn’t like it. I ended up trying it 10 ish years later from our break up and I actually loved it. It was such a simple thing that could have saved our relationship, but I wasn’t the priority. When I had a guy friend who made me a priority in his life and not even in a romantic way at first, it was a breath of fresh air and turned into a downward spiral from there. When I figured out how I needed to open my mouth and say what I wanted I was told anytime I tried to bring it up I don’t want to fight tonight I just want to cuddle. I tried to always do it in person because he never really talked to me otherwise.

Hey Sis, I believe different people cheat for different reasons. And there is no real way to get down to why someone has cheated unless you talk to that specific person themselves. With that being said, I cheated on my ex-husband with my current husband and we have been together for 15 years . My ex-husband and I had been together since we were in middle school. However when I met my current husband, I wanted him. I lust for him. I made the decision that I was going to sleep with him before I even left my home. I had never been a cheater. I like you did not understand how people could cheat and still be married. But when you’re in a situation, it’s very different. You never know what you’re going to do until it happens to see you. My marriage was very difficult. My husband didn’t wanna work. . He was very manipulative and everyone thought I was lucky to be with him. I got to the point where I justed to cheat to have someone make me feel good. But shortly afterwards I just left him.

I think based off all the comments it has to do with the cheater. I know it's easy to say I did it because of my SO at the time but thats not necessarily true. You could have ended it if things were that bad. Cheating and lying and continuing to do so is manipulative and wrong. Just as wrong as not giving your girl any attention or not trying hard enough. If you haven't spoken about your boundaries and told your SO that you want the freedom to sleep around and they have acknowledged and accepted this about you then it's not ok. Unless they come clean about it and actually feel bad after the first time it happens (and not after they get caught) it's ok to have issues and to feel like you need something that only cheating can give you but don't pretend you're not doing it and put ur partner in a horrible mindset that is so difficult to get out of. ...

Now after saying all that. My partner has always cheated and I always knew it. I knew who he was before we got together but I loved him anyway. He would never be honest with me which I was strong enough to deal with at first but after years and years and a child it wore me down. Now I still know but I feel empty. I thought he would see that I would always be there no matter what and finally be my best friend/partner thick or thin.... But he never did. He never trusted me enough to be honest (without being caught) I wish I had left 12 years ago. It's really hard. Make sure you know what you want. Make sure you always take care of yourself first if you decide to stay.