What’s one piece of parenting advice you heard or read that changed how you approach parenting?

The "just waits"

To imagine something bad happening that would just ruin my day/make me cry/etc. How would I feel going through that, how would I want others to respond? That's what little kids go through when they're having a tough time. We might think of big, horrible things happening to set us off, but kids haven't been around long enough so something that seems small to us is BIG to them since they just haven't experienced as much life. So when your kid is melting down over something that doesn't seem like a big deal, respond in the way you'd want someone to treat you when you're having that terrible moment. (Within reason, obviously. I'm not talking about if you didn't get your kid a toy, they freak out, and you should give in. Just approach things that set them off with a level of understanding how disappointment makes you feel)

@Rhiannon can you elaborate on this?

@Grace I agree 100%. The idea that they aren’t giving us a hard time, they are having a hard time and it’s our job to guide them through it. The parents’ goal should be to ensure that in the future the child knows that 1) we are a trustworthy source of comfort, and 2) they learn how to manage big feelings in a healthy way as they continue to grow and deal with more complex situations and emotions.

The quote “Children are not meant to be molded, they are meant to be unfolded.” I’m paraphrasing as I do not remember the exact quote or where I read this. It brings me peace. My son is unique and helping him realize his natural talents and strengths feels like setting him up for success in life.

The days are long but the years are short

@Vanessa I’ve never heard that one and I really like it.

@Melanie I often say “the days are long, but the weeks are short, and the years seem to fly by.”

@Genevieve this rings true as well 🥺

I don’t know if this counts as parenting but “comparison is the thief of joy.” Just because someone else’s kid is doing something before mine does not make my child less amazing.

@Kassidi I think that counts for sure! My twins were 8.5 weeks early, so they were behind in a lot of milestones during the first 2 years. I couldn’t help but compare them to other kids and felt a bit judged (sometimes in my head and sometimes for real) by moms who had kids that were ahead or even on time. Looking back now, they eventually achieved everything I was stressing about—from sitting unassisted to walking and talking. Now they will be starting kindergarten in the fall without any indication that they were ever behind or spent their first 7 weeks in the NICU.

Say yes more, if they aren’t destroying anything or in real danger what’s the harm.

One that I heard recently that hit close to home is that parents are in charge of time management. The stress of being late is completely on you and you can’t expect kids to rush and be obedient because you didn’t manage your time better, especially as you are becoming dysregulated. I had to really take a minute to check myself with this one. Not only do I have unpleasant memories of my mom taking her stress out on me and my siblings when she was running late (and frustrated with my dad for waiting at the door just jingling his keys while she wrangled three kids under 5), but I realized that I was doing this with my boys now. I read this earlier this week and have since made a real conscious effort to not expect anything more or less from them when I’m running behind. Getting to work on time isn’t worth starting their day off on the wrong foot and giving them lasting bad memories of me.