Being a pushover/enabling etc
Show your support
@Bonny yes that’s exactly what I’m doing I told him unless we cut back on household expenses I will not be helping more financially over things I didn’t agree to . Basically he just thinks it’s easier to give her money when she asks for it because even if the money doesn’t go to their daughter he somewhat feels like he’s helping even if he has no proof of that . She’s not in childcare or activities . We both have sent over snacks for her to have at her moms in addition to the financial support she gets . We’ve sent over necessities as well . He sees it as his daughter is innocent in all this and even though it’s all a game and hassle she should be taken care of . I get what he’s saying but if this is this case I keep telling him he needs to keep track and go back to court . It upsets me when he expects everyone to bend over backwards to help care for his daughter when bm just continuously takes because she knows we will always provide
You have to put your foot down and just say no you and your husband are going to get into fights about it but eventually he’ll start seeing it. I went through it with my husband. We have not been together as long as you and your husband, but you do have a say so as well
@Ella yea idk how to get him to at least try and understand what I’m saying . He thinks everyone is not willing to help take care of his daughter the one small moment we don’t bend over backwards
I had to make my husband go back and look on how much he was spending once he added it all up from the time that they were divorced to the time we got married he had spent over $12,000
What does bm need the money for, though? Is he sending groceries to their house? Is bm making payments for sd's childcare or activities? You should be making decisions as a team, and the first step is communicating. Go through his bank activity and show him how much he's paid in the last year. It's easy for him to say yes to one time requests without seeing how they add up. If you're communicating and he really can't stop, don't pay for extras. Stop extra activities, subscriptions, TV, cut back on groceries, whatever. Let him see the effects and experience the single ply toilet paper, then you can talk about how it is affecting your household now and will affect your relationship going forward. It's a thin line to walk between sd having her needs met at bm's and bm getting extras at your expense. Show him the numbers, ask him how he feels about it, and really listen to what he has to say. His answers will tell you how he thinks about it now and how likely it is to change (for better or worse) in the future.