in December 2024 Babies 🇬🇧

Struggling with husband need to vent

Is anyone else really struggling to communicate with their husband. We tried for a baby for 6 years before I finally had a pregnancy last for more than a couple of months and alot of that time I spent telling him what it was going to be like when we did finally have one. I'm a very research orientated person and I feel like I did alot of the work and planning and research both when we were trying and then pregnant and that hasn't really changed post baby were trying to get the hang of sleep training at the moment and battling through the regression and then getting back into routines and I feel exhausted because once he's asleep I'm doing alot of work to try and make the following day a little easier on everyone. And yet 5 and a half months in I am still having to tell my husband to change baby's nappy, when he's hungry, when hes tired etc. I tell him everything I've learned and that we need to be consistent and keep at it to get into these routines it doesn't just magically happen and yet every night which is the only time I get any help with the baby he either completely ignores what I've told him or panics and waits for me to deal with the baby which always leads to him being grumpy and overtired and it taking hours to get him to sleep. I've told him again and again that I'm feeling like I'm not being listened to and undermined and he keeps promising to do better but it never lasts more than a day. I feel like I'm parenting him too. When it comes to something he wants to do or one of his hobbies he's detail oriented to the point of obsessive and I've pointed out that I can't understand how he is clearly capable of putting effort into things that interest him why can't he do the same for helping parent his child. He's said that he feels he will be more helpful when our boy is older. He wanted a baby for years before I did and I eventually only agreed when he promised I would never feel alone but I really do at the moment. I come from a family full of divorces and half interested parents and I didn't want to be in the same situation which he promised we would never be and I don't know what to do anymore

Show your support

I think some men do struggle more when it comes to baby’s as it doesn’t come as naturally to them as the mother. We have a 5 and a half month old and nearly 2 years old and while my husband has been helpful he is definitely more hands on and helpful with our toddler than with the baby. when my daughter was a baby it was me doing most of the care but as she got older he took more charge so hopefully the same happens with you. Men find it easier to bond with their children when they are able to communicate properly so that may be part of it as well x

Sorry you’re feeling like this,do you tell him what the baby needs when when they need it etc because he may not notice the signs quite like you can as you’re probably the one with the baby all day. I often tell my husband what our baby needs and then he will do it. Sometimes they need a bit more guidance than women. It’s not that they don’t want to it’s just the way some of them are I think. Especially when babies are so young. Some men can really struggle to feel like they are doing things right too and can also develop depression after babies are born too, have you check with him that he is feeling okay mentally too? Just incase it’s because of any stifles like this that he is struggling to connect/care for them like you and he hoped he would? Hope it all resolves itself for you sooner rather than later! Buy forget men really don’t think the same as woman and just need clear instructions sometimes! 😂 x

Sorry you're going through this, so when he said he feels like he will be more helpful when the baby is older, to me, that's just a cop out, and what he's saying is because that's when it will be easier. I can't relate here because we have 2 children, a 5 month old and a 3 year old, and my partner has always been hands-on. He doesn't need telling when Babies Bum needs changing or his bottles need washing and sterling. He also puts him to bed some nights, feeds him or baths him. When he was a newborn, he was a very difficult baby, and my partner would stay downstairs settling the baby while I tried to catch up on sleep. I think it's a cop out and he's just being lazy, and it's really not fair on you at all, don't get me wrong I will tell my partner when he's ready for a nap or when it's time for a bottle because I have him in a routine and he works 5 days a week, il be going away for a night in 2 weeks and I have all the confidence in my parter to do a great job and this is how it should be

I’m going through something similar with my husband. I have a 5-month old and since I’m with her most of the time, I’d like to think I know her best and we have established a decent routine. On the weekends he wants to go free-flowing but I tell him to follow my routine as I’m the one who’s with her during the week and I need to stay consistent to make life a little easier for myself. He’s a great dad and loves her but I feel like he doesn’t realllyyyyyy help out. Won’t use his own initiative to feed her, change her nappy or offer to do the night time routine. I feel like a single parent. More so, we’re having difficulty manoeuvring as a couple than parents. I hope it’s just a phase and won’t lead to a separation.

We have a 21 month old and a 4 month old my husband really struggled with my first as I did everything had the routine down knew the cues. He didn’t really do much till I went back to work. When he had to figure it out with out me. Looking back he said he struggled as he felt he was doing everything wrong cause he couldn’t read his cues like I could and couldn’t get him to sleep the same as me. He bonded more with him when he had to figure it out. With our 4 month old they have had more time together as I have been splitting time with our toddler we have a routine but I am much looser with it and let him find his own way and they have bonded so much quicker. I think as you say it’s hard for men they don’t have the same instincts and they aren’t spending the same amount of time with them as we are. What has worked for us is letting him know her routine but letting him figure it out and don’t worry if it doesn’t always go to plan 😊 You will get there and find out what works for you

Ugh yeah I've got 4 kids and I honestly still have to remind or ask hubby to do anything and everything childcare related ( feeding, bath bedtime etc) as he just isn't the default parent here. He's great with them don't get me wrong and hes fantastic at spending time with them playing with them reading with them etc etc but anything actually care related usually falls to me, or atleast me to give him a nudge. And for reference our oldest is 19 😅😅

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌