Help

I want to vent (it’s a long one) First off I’ve been staying home since march of 2023 after I lost my job and I was also expecting my son who is now a year and a half. My daughter is 3 and a half and big handful lol. One person told me she has the energy for 2 kids.. I say yeah, no it’s more like 5 lol. It’s been real tough being home with both kids… my son is still breastfeeding but mostly at night. And I’m also expecting my third child… but I’ll get to the point.. ever since my son arrived things have been a bit difficult for me. Mostly because my daughter, she’s a handful and I’m going out of my mind… also my husband always suggesting things. Honesty it irritates the crap out of me when he suggests things because when I try to do them they don’t workout and I’m stressed with two screaming crying kids. My husband says I should be more patient with them. And I’m like sometimes it’s not patience it’s rest, a break, some me time that is needed!!! He tells me take them outside get some fresh air. I do sometimes when I have the energy most time I would rather stay inside.. also I don’t have any friends to ask to go outside with me and keep me company… and hubby rarely goes outside with me and the kids either… hubby works night shift so we see him almost close to afternoon since he sleeps until 11:30am. And he works Saturdays from morning to afternoon.. so he’s home but not that much but I’m always doing everything with the kids and I’m exhausted and overstimulated and annoyed etc. but I am thankful that he does other stuff like cook does groceries and cleans the bathroom. He’s a healthy foodie so obviously he knows if I were the one doing groceries I’d come back with canned goods. Anyways hubby says that I should be more patient with the kids instead of yelling like a crazy person. And to play with them and to teach them stuff. And he doesn’t understand why every morning is different. That one morning I’m upset and other morning I’m happy. He says it’s like I’m bipolar. Idk how to tell him that every morning won’t be the same. Honestly everything always depends if my daughter decides to listen. It’s like she has selective hearing or something 😭😭😭 or maybe it’s me… idk… every morning things go good then my daughter will literally start testing my patience at first I’ll be nice and speak to her nicely but once it gets to three or four times of having to repeat myself I start yelling or I pop her on the butt. I don’t touch skin so it’s always on the diaper. Also she also does this thing that when my son cries she start making sounds like almost copying his cry and is drives me bonkers. When hubby sees how I react when she does it he says that I don’t have patience and that everything irritates me that the kids do. I look at him and i think to myself do you enjoy sounds like that, a child that’s not crying mimicking another child? And she does it all the time..😭😭😭😭and she spits everywhere. 😩😩😩. And hubby says even your child’s spit you think it’s gross. I’m like hell yeah!!! All in all He says I need to be more loving to the kids. Be more patient with them. And have a better positive mindset… and that if the tables were turned and he was home with the kids things would definitely be different since he’s more patient. I told myself the same thing when it was just my daughter that I’m super patient but when it became two 🤯🤯. I would love to see how things would go if hubby were with the kids..

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Omg I feel like I wrote this myself!!! It's so hard in the trenches

@Elizabeth And to make it so much worse I think like a week or two after I find out I was pregnant I’ve been fighting with some really bad nausea 😭😭😭 so I’ve been miserable.

Omg nooo 😭😭😭😭😭

Literally i think you described every stay at home parent. 🫠 like the one that goes to work has no idea what goes on when they are gone so they think we have little patience. It's not that we dont have patience it's just the patience jar has dried up from the constant battles from wrangling toddlers all day. 🥴

No offense intended, but if you find 2 children so hard, why are you having another one? I'm genuinely interested in why you chose to have a 3rd if you are struggling so much with 2? Also, why don't you suggest to your husband that you go back to work when your 3rd is old enough & he becomes a stay at home dad? Then he will know how difficult it is & why you don't have much patience with them.

@Rachel my third was an accident. Even though I was tracking I thought I was in the clear one week, turns out I was wrong. When I checked the next morning I ovulated and I was at peak. I had a plan b on hand but I’m also breastfeeding so I didn’t want to take any chances. a month later I go to test as usual because I got my period I thought I was fine. I ended up finding out I’m pregnant but we don’t plan on aborting. And I don’t like birth control and it messing with my body.

@Rachel This venting has been bottled up for a year. So right now things are fine even though my daughter is still on 100. She’s the only one I struggle with. It’s like she’s hyped up on imaginary sugar every day lol.

@Rachel I’m already planning that by the time my second is at least 3 or 4 he’ll be in school and my third will be in daycare and I will be able to go to work. Staying home was a decision we made together. It wasn’t only because I lost my job. We talked about it. And I honestly thought I’d be able to handle two since at that time my daughter was very calm and she was very quiet. I honestly don’t know what happened lol. She’s so hyper all the time, thankfully my son play with her but he’s super chill most times she bugs him so much sometimes I have to beg her to leave him alone before he starts whining.

My husband says the same thing about if he were home. Luckily you get some help. My husband works in the oil field so he’s gone for two weeks and home for two weeks so I’m doing everything on my own with 3 kids for 2 weeks then when he gets home home I’m doing everything by myself for three kids and an oversized child that won’t even pick up his clothes😑 but I digress. Yes it’s very normal to feel this way. Sometimes you just need to walk away for a bit. It’s okay to leave the kids in a safe area and walk away from them.

Your husband needs more alone time with the kids. Do tag team parenting for a while. When he is home and awake, leave the house. Go for a walk or to lunch on your own. Let his panic texts roll in. After a while (maybe a week or 2) he will either stop with the comments or you will have found an acceptable system for dealing with this stage of parenting. Have him take the kids grocery shopping. If his patience cup is full, he should be using that energy for childcare, not lecturing or hectoring you about it. You should try to go out more, though. You'd like to be inside, but the kids need to be out. The decrease in your discomfort from their improved behavior would probably more than offset the slight increase in your discomfort from leaving the house. Spitting is gross. Fake crying is awful. Up is not down. It's not easy, and I hope you're able to manage some of this chaos bc 3 is next level crazy. 😬😬😬 🍀

Have you tried talking to someone about how you're feeling? Your doctor could point you in the right direction for therapy or medication. Checking out a parenting course would be extremely beneficial also. A lot of people recommend the Circle of Security Parenting Program. It sounds like you're very overstimulated and frustrated, particularly towards your daughter. It's understandable, but how you react to her and her behaviour now is important for her development and for building a secure attachment (which will impact her for the rest of her life). She's likely exhibiting normal toddler behaviours and while annoying and overstimulating, shouldn't be yelled at or hit. This is how I was raised and I am low/no contact with my parents. My instincts are also to yell when frustrated at my son. Reading/listening to audio books on parenting helped me learn more about toddlers and how to react to their (undesired) behaviours. That being said, I only have 1 child, so can't compare to having 2, plus being pregnant.

You need more time for yourself. It's non-negotiable. And the comments from your partner are unacceptable. It's so easy for him to say that he would parent better, if he was the one staying home. He likely doesn't understand that you are constantly parenting. Sit your partner down and tell that the unhelpful comments need to stop and that you need more support with the kids. An hour to yourself each day would change everything. If you're not open to making friends, you need a babysitter for a couple of hours every week. Things need to change or they will only get worse as you add another child to the mix. I really hope that you reach out to your doctor and that your partner is able to support you a little more. You deserve to be happy and your kids deserve to have you at your best!

@Bonny omg thank you so much 😭😭😭😭 I needed to hear this!!! My sister is having a gender reveal and invites me to go but the way I’m feeling idk if I’ll be able to. I feel awful all the time. But my husband said I should go and leave the kids with him. But I wish he would just say hey I’ll come with you and I’ll watch the kids but he never wants to go out..

@Bonny we used to do tag team when it was just my daughter and I was working it worked out great we were all happy. But obviously things changed when my son arrived. I did everything myself fed him,clothed him, changed him. The one thing he did was bath him cause he was circumcised. And since he’s African he knows more about the after care. I left him with the kids once which was for my ultrasound he said everything was fine. And also when I went to wash my clothes in the basement of our apartment. But with that one he complained because he said I was taking too long yet he told me I should use doing my laundry as my “Me Time”.

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