I don’t know what to do anymore.
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It sounds like you both need to sit down and have a proper talk about this. Having a kid is enough to put strain on just about any relationship but you still need to take each other into consideration. To be honest saying please doesn't cost anything and i used to have an ex who wasn't capable of using manners and it can feel like theyre ungrateful so I can get why it might grate on him sometimes. If it's that important to him and you know its causing arguments id just say please more this wouldn't be my hill to die on. On the other hand him expressing this on such a snappy way is not okay not is throwing it in your face and again I think it's worth having a talk about how it's affecting you. He needs to be a tram player too. It sounds like you might both just not be understanding each other right now and what's important to you both individually and as a couple.
I'm kind of stuck on the asking "even in a normal tone" part though. What does this mean? Are you being off about how you ask other times? Also he was sweet and romantic and the relationship was full of affection and tenderness beforehand. When did this stop? Was it a pregnancy thing or in the baby stage, looking at when it happened might help highlight what the shift was. (Not going to be the case for everyone but I personally was the one to push back on those things when I was pregnant and it wasn't until I made it clear that I wanted to be more affectionate again that he kind of started showing it from his side again) Are you still trying to put this into the relationship even though he seems to have changed? Could you try have some alone time either leaving your child with family / a sitter ot doing some fun at home date nights to try re spark the lovey dovey side? I hope you manage to fix things 🩷🩵
Please is a way to control you. It has nothing to do with ambers and everything to do with the emotions he feels that he can’t express. Romantic vs emotionally intelligent are not the same. It’s time to Learn more about relationships and communication
Remind him you're on the same team and everyone is feeling stressed cuz bringing home a new baby is stressful my husband did this too but I said you better check that attitude boy I didn't nut you did lol 🤣😒 but yeah guys aren't used to caring about anyone but themselves they're allowed to grow up very selfishly so when lives start depending on them it's a huge shock hopefully he pulls through it but he's just got a lot of growing up to do me and my guy are nearly three kids in now and it's less stressful than when we had just brought home our first
sometime we are under pressure with the baby and when the baby needs something and we can’t seem to find it. And of course I get frustrated and snap but I do apologise later. And he does the same in the same situation and when I address that I didn’t like the tone he snaps again only later on after a day or two he apologises. We do communicate, I say my part he says his. I try and be more respectful and understanding but when it may turn to get what I asked for in return he doesn’t listen. Actually he never listens to me. I get that sometimes I am too much but I tell him I am also tired and that I haven’t had an alone time since the baby. And he tells me in multiple occasions that he doesn’t like to stay with the baby, like who says that!?
For example we were out the other day with my siblings and I asked him if he could make the baby sleep whilst I pump. He told me ,outside I don’t have a child and I can’t expect him to have fun and have responsibilities! , we are married but we don’t have wedding rings so I said , then every time I am outside I am not married, even better I will download tinder and only use it outside since he wants to play at that game. Was I too much ?
@LeKenya I am from Germany and he just moved here when the baby was born, I understand he feels out of place. Away from home and all. But no reason to act this way!
not saying please doesn’t make you ungrateful
You can't expect him to have fun and responsibilities? Who says that? Even my 5 year old sings when he is picking up his toys. He is acting irresponsible and he has to come down to earth and realize he has a child whether he is in the party or in the toilet. His family needs him. And you cannot wait for him to grow up so let him know he has to keep up with the pace because baby is growing fast and taking your time too. And those days you can not get them back. Enjoy the baby and be strong mama. 💪🏽
What he said was irresponsible. What you said was disrespectful. I would be very careful about my words so the trust is not broken cause it's very difficult to regain. If you trust him and he trusts you, try to appreciate that and remind him what good you see in him. Sometimes, it goes a long way. At the same time remind him how you need him to be involved with the baby cause he/she depends on you both.
He needs to step the fuck up and realise he’s had a baby and that baby is his. It’s not your baby. It’s both your baby. You need time to yourself, he needs to be able to take the baby on his own. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.
Your feelings are valid. I would definitely feel the same way. It sounds like he feels a way about something he’s not mentioning. Maybe he’s feeling more pressure now that you have a child. Have you talked to him? Like really sat down and asked how he is mentally? It may bring some clarity.