Concerns about daughter eating at MIL's house

I'm getting more and more concerned about my daughter (20 months) eating at my mil's house, because of her attitudes towards food and body image. My mil is 3 kids- 2 sons (30 & 32) and 1 daughter (21). They've all got some level of disordered eating stemming from how their mum brought them up, e.g. food being a reward, being forced to eat when they're not hungry, adding extra fats to their food, being made to finish their food in a set amount of time. And all whilst having their bodies criticised by her, for either being "too skinny" or "too fat". We were round the other day, and after we all had a roast, my MIL brought out 4 different sharing desserts for the 5 of us to share. I started serving a very small portion to my daughter, and my mil started saying that I should give her more and that it all needs to be eaten. I said no, she's got enough, and ignored her. Then once everyone had finished, my mil took a big spoonful of ice cream and began feeding it to my daughter, who obviously wasn't going to give it up without getting upset. This reeeally got under my skin, and I told her that she'd had enough and she wasn't to be given any more. My partner went outside with my daughter to play, so I was left with my MIL and SIL. My SIL goes to the toilet after every meal to purge and for whatever reason, my MIL doesn't care and doesn't try to help her. My SIL has just come back, and my MIL started saying that her ribs stick out more than her boobs, that her body looks disgusting, and even likened her to a holocaust victim, whilst also saying that she ate her lunch like a pig. I was just sat there feeling so awkward and like what the F?! My SIL left the room and went upstairs, and I went to join my partner outside. Idk what this is, sort of a rant and a vent?? We've agreed that our kids will never be allowed to eat at my MILs whilst we're not there, but I just feel that she goes out of her way to be disrespectful even when we are there, especially towards me. She also to me that I'd put on weight and that I should be losing it, even though I'm 7 months pregnant with my 2nd baby, who is at risk of a low birth weight and she knows this 🙃

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I wouldn't be associating her at all being that bad. I'd tell my partner he go visit her but in no way would I be going or taking the kid to be around that. I've watched my MIL feed my nephews foods without my SIL knowing what she is giving them and even my SIL has made comments about how she shouldn't do that but she doesn't stand up to her mom. I, on the other hand, have had plenty of butting head moments because I don't agree at all with how my MIL parents. If it were up to me I'd rather not visit them, but I can't get away with that unfortunately.

Your MIL is insane. There’s no way in hell I would ever bring ANY child around her AT ALL! Disordered eating is one thing, but the way she also speaks to her own children and others is absolutely disgusting! She said what to her own daughter?? 😲 Your child is at the age where they’re beginning to understand more. Imagine your MIL called your child a pig? A fat cow? Said she looked disgusting? Shocking that no one has ever called her out on her behaviour whilst her kids were growing up. Where’s FIL in all this? Even telling you to lose weight whilst you are pregnant is just madness. She clearly has a screw loose and no way would I give her any access to my children to spread her poison onto.

I would also go no contact or very limited contact. Yet if it's not an option, I would set a FIRM boundaries. If she comments over your body, speak up for yourself "mil if you wanna talk about a body, what about yours?!" If she doesn't get it "If you keep talking about my body or my child's body one more time, we'll go out of this house and gonna take a long time for us to be back". I would not allow her to touch your children s plate or make any comments about it "what everyone eats is personal and won't be subject to any comments or discussion, please don't comment ever again what my child can or can't eat. That's my job" I would also not allowed EVER unsupervised time with your children. Go no contact OR speak up firmly for you and your kids are the only options here to have no or very low impact on your kids. That's so sad for your SIL... Terrible

Protect your baby from all of that! If your husband is hesitant stand your ground. That stuff sticks and is a non negotiable.

I would not be going at all, even if it's not for a meal. I get grandparents sneak a little treat here and there, and that I don't have a problem with (with my family) but to be forcing and the disgusting comments that your children will pick up on, is a massive no, and I would be making it clear. I'm interested in what your partner says about it

I would have grabbed everyone and leave! No way would I let a child near her

Trust me it’s better to get away from that when you can, for yourself, your husband and child. My own mum very much shamed me even though her and my grandparents used to feed me loads of crap growing up because my grandad thought I was too thin(I wasn’t I was normal weight). Then I was overweight and couldn’t control my eating habits, which turned into excessive eating. Then I got shamed by not only people at school but my family so I lost all that weight and you know my mum had the audacity to then turn around after I’d done all this hard work to correct my habits and the crap they brought me up on and tell me I was too skinny. I think a lot of people are so obsessed with other people’s weight that they must have some control over it. I’ve had multiple issues with weight throughout my life and that stuff still hasn’t left me. It might be hard but I agree with other commenters, partner can go see his mum but it doesn’t mean you and your child has to

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