Nursery saying my son is clingy

It just means they're finding it difficult because of the number of kids they have to take care of. They're likely finding him hard to put down without crying so it's hard on either him or all the other kids. It'll pass though! We had this with both my two and once they properly settled in they were fine.

@Caroline thank you . It makes me feel really bad that my son is clingy and I’m worried they might end up shouting at him or something.

The language they are using isn’t very professional. As a teacher and a mother to a 3yo, I would I expect nursery to only be making comments about how willing my child is to form bonds and attachments with others, and his confidence in social settings, if they are trying to support and promote development. It just sounds like they are making negative comments without any kind of plan to support? Next time they make the comment I would ask, “what specifically do you mean? Can you give me examples of this at nursery and how it’s impacting his day, and anything you are doing to support..?” Quite frankly it sounds like they are being quite negative without any kind of desire to improve.

@Rachel makes me feel really bad and I’ve even thought of taking him out of that nursery. Every day they say it and I’m kinda tired of it !!

@Rachel they made an example that even when he’s playing he’ll come around and hold onto them as in the nursery nurses . Is it bad that he does that ?

I also agree with @Rachel as a former teacher also the language isn’t very professional or even positive, if they are constantly telling you all the time it’s definitely the nursery being quite negative - yet also haven’t spoken to you to decide next steps on how to help make your little one feel a bit more comfortable. Don’t let their negativity bring you down My little one is extremely clingy and I fully understand your worries, it’s one of the reasons I’m in two mind sets about Nursery x

I wouldn’t like the language they are using either, it make it sound like he’s being an inconvenience by being clingy which obviously he’s not. I would expect it to be framed constructively e.g we needed lots of cuddles/ reassurance today or we’ve liked being carried around etc. I would maybe press them on their use of that term and why they think it’s an issue to bring up, he’s a small child, children need love and attention 🥺

Like Caroline said it can be a lot on them with all the other kids if a child wants constant 1 on 1 attention BUT it is very unprofessional for them to be speaking about him like that to you. My mum works in a nursery and she says they have a few kids that are very attached to their mum. She says the worst thing the mum can do is hang around at drop off. Do the handover and get out of there asap if you don’t already. You’re prolonging the parting which makes it harder on the child thru out the day. Saying that you’re obviously not doing anything intentional to make his or their time any harder than it already is so I wouldn’t feel so worried. If anything see it as a positive that you and your son clearly have an amazing bond xx

@Incognito yes I was looking for this word . Inconvenience is how they make me feel they’re feeling which shouldn’t be . I’m a nurse and as much as difficulties patients can be , I always make them feel comfortable and make them feel they’re a burden

Thank you everyone I’ll have to arrange a meeting with them . Also I need a bit of help ? How do I approach this and what questions could I ask them ?

I agree it's not the best wording especially if it's a constant thing. But I didn't mind being told it once or twice by his very apologetic key worker who felt very awkward about it. I'd probably just leave it a couple of weeks and also ask them for suggestions of how to improve things. I remember when I asked they suggested a cuddly toy or comforter from home, a laminated family photo they could look at together and to make drop offs short and sweet.

Dont feel bad, you pay them good money to provide child care. They need to care for your child; its normal for children to bs clingy.

@Justina it’s not bad at all, he clearly is feeling like he needs some support and comfort for a reason, and I would want them to be helping him with that. Supporting him to develop his emotional regulation, social development, communication, so he feels like he has other options other than needing to seek adult interaction. But also, so what if he just needs a bit more comfort. He’s a little child!! My little boy is super sensitive, he hates drop off, has to be prized off me sometimes, needs to be carried jn by the nursery worker at 3 1/2 and needs some comfort time and a cuddle. After about 15 mins he’s off happily playing and doesn’t need that kind of support again through the day. But in the morning he does. I’m a special needs teacher and I’ve not raised him to cling on to me, I’ve given him tools to communicate and we do lots of things to help him feel regulated. He’s just a sensitive soul who loves his Mumma

@Justina I would say I’d like to have a meeting to discuss how settled my child is at nursery. Questions: “You’ve mentioned he’s clingy, I find this term quite negative and I’m not really sure what you mean. Is he anxious, struggling socially, unsure how to communicate with his peers?” “In terms of his behaviour at nursery, have you started to notice if there is any pattern. For example is it happening with certain avidities, around certain children, times of the day?” “Are there adults he is more drawn to when he is feeling like he needs some extra adult time, is that adult/s doing anything with him when he comes to them to try to find out the cause. Are they doing any social development work with him to support him?” “If you believe there is an issue, have you begun an individual plan to support my child to make progress with the social development? Any targeted activities to enable them to develop confidence?”i

My son is by far the clingiest and I know that, whenever I see him and pick him up and just his temperament in general and my nursery has never referred to him as clingy. If anything that would annoy me and I’d be asking what they’re doing to make him feel safe and secure. You’re paying them remember!