Feeling a bit lost.
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I think there’s this obsession in modern culture with demanding our partner be our spouse, best friend, confidante, village, sometimes even parent. And a lot of that is exacerbated by social media. We want them to be everything wrapped in one person and feel dissatisfied when they aren’t. Speaking from experience because I did this too. But I realized I just needed more different types of people in my life. My husband is a great spouse and great father, but yes he’s pretty boring. So I made more friends and cultivated more relationships so everything wasn’t put on just my husbands shoulders. Not sure if this is relevant to you but just thought I’d share in case it’s helpful.
@Kalika yes you’re totally right, I think as we live with each other day after day we expect so much. Maybe I’ll be happier once I accept that there’s no such thing as “the one” for some people. Some people never find it or what if you’ve already had it? I think it might be more than him being boring, it’s the way he makes me feel about myself and he’s quite robotic when it comes to intimacy and emotions. That’s the part I’m struggling with xx
Some lucky people find their “soulmate”, and I have friends on social media who talk about how their spouse makes them laugh everyday and there’s never a dull moment. I can’t relate lol. But I will say my partner is reliable, stable, and has taken amazing care of our family through difficult hardships. I used to think he didn’t love me, but later realized he was loving me in his own way, and I tried harder to notice those acts of love. We have very different love languages. Now I still think your spouse needs to put in the effort to meet you halfway. If there’s something you need from him that you’re not getting, and that doesn’t involve completely changing his whole personality and character, then that should be identified, communicated, and worked out. But if it’s a core part of his personality you don’t like, id encourage you to focus on the good and see if there’s other ways you can build your relationship and bond together that both of you can benefit from.
@Kalika bless you. Well I applaud the parts of your spouse you’re happy with and I agree, the love I’ve felt in the past was passionate, exciting and great but also toxic and short lived so I know that’s not realistic. We’ve had a chat and both identified the bits we really don’t like so we are working on that and all I can hope for is that we can get through it and be happy ❤️
You can’t pretend. Kids know. They aren’t stupid. You and your kid deserve happiness. Kids are better off when their moms are happy. And I say this as a single mom who left my husband 7 years ago and never looked back. Me and my kids are way happier than I ever was forcing a shitty relationship to work.