Am I in the wrong???

I’m not married, but I’ve been with my partner for 11 years now & we have two kids. To me, that’s my husband legally or not. My grandpa passed yesterday, there are 4 kids. He has my mom/1 boy with one woman, and 2 boys with another. His obituary was posted today and in the listing of family everyone else’s spouses are listed but mine… and I was hurt that he wasn’t listed. He’s been very involved in my families lives. My grandpa liked him. So he wasn’t listed yet my cousins spouses who never even met my grandpa were… Secondly…in the part of proceeded in death my dad wasn’t listed. My dad passed this past Jan unexpectedly. Him and my mom were married for I believe 36 years? Something like that. And they don’t have a son-in-law proceeded in death at all. I ended up messaging my mom to voice how I felt. She said the two brothers with the other mom are the ones who did the obituary. And she apologized but there is nothing she can really do. Also one of these brothers really ruined my moms last few days with her dad because he was in denial that he was dying and wanted to fight with her about it every day. Am I in the wrong for feeling some type of way!? I know the obituary is for him and about him. But we are family..

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My boyfriend was included in my grandma and uncles obits. I’m sorry they didn’t include yours or your dad which is weird

@Cassie my mom made sure he was included when we did my dad’s obituary. Idk I’m trying to not stress myself out about it because I know it’s not about me. But it still bothers me.

Idk if to say you’re “wrong” or they’re “wrong” is the wording I would use. Everyone has different values. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and you being upset your boyfriend isn’t on the family listing is valid considering he’s been around for so long and you view him as family, but it doesn’t mean everyone else does: for people with more traditional values, marriage IS what solidifies someone into the family and that’s something you guys are not (married). As far as the “proceeded in my death” part, I think typically that is reserved for spouse and children, if applicable (at least that’s my family’s way of doing it). I’m sorry for your loss. For someone who’s seen the deaths of all my grandparents, this is when you learn a lot about your living family.

Everyone's feelings are valid. Especially with older people marriage is all that matters, and not being married is shameful/ embarassing given the time together and kids. Im on my tenth year with my man, also not married, and I dont expect my grandpa to really understand or to treat him like my husband, he technically isnt and grandpa is from a different time. My mom treats him like my husband, but I would understand if she didnt, because hes not. Your feelings are valid too, you want him respected the same as a husband, and you advocated for that.

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