Would you let your child says openly that they have a favourite cousin/auntie/uncle?

Back story - my child is 3 nearly 4 and sees my family every 2 months because they don’t live near us. My 3 year old has openly expressed that uncle A is her favourite uncle. Uncle A is my brother and uncle B is my BIL. My husband is mad at me and says that I should stop her from saying she has a favourite uncle because it’s not fair on uncle B. To clarify uncle A sees her every 2 months and uncle B who lives 5 mins down that road from us, doesn’t see her at all. He last saw her back in February and that’s only because we were picking up MIL from his house. Uncle A doesn’t even buy her any fancy toys or anything… he literally is just fully present and spent 90% of his time playing with her whenever he visits. The last time he visited which was a few days ago, he literally spent most of the day playing kitchen with her and football in the garden. I have never told my daughter she should have favourite nor have I ever treat one uncle better than the other. My husband is mad at me because he took our daughter to work with him and he works with uncle B and apparently in a group setting my daughter kept talking about uncle A and how much fun they have and that she can’t wait to see uncle A again. My husband is saying this needs to stop as it’s not fair on his brother. The girl is 3 nearly 4 and she can talk for herself how am I at fault.

Show your support

maybe your husband should tell his brother to step up! it’s not your brother fault that he show he cares with action and goes up and beyond. it’s not on a child to make a grown adult feel better.

I'd probably try to stop mine saying it about cousins if my nephews could hear because they're children as well and it could hurt their feelings. If it hurt the brother's feelings then he needs to grow up a bit honestly, obviously a 3/4 year old is going to prefer the person that makes a lot of effort. I can understand your husband might have found it embarrassing but he also needs to grow up, your daughter had a fun day and talked about it. If he didn't like the conversation, change the conversation. I think it's interesting that he is blaming you and expecting you to correct it when he was the one in the situation. Is everything she does your responsibility?

@Rachel his blaming me because in a private conversation with just me and him, I said how nice that she has formed a bond with uncle A and that she gets very excited when she knows his coming over. My exact words at some point during the conversation was “ it’s nice that she has a favourite family member that isn’t either one of us”. I’ve never said those words to my daughter or my family, only to my husband one evening after bedtime.

Shes only expessing how she feels?

I would explain that if they say it should be in private and to us, not to them as they can hurt their feelings and is impolite.

Wat @Natali said.

That’s ridiculous, my husband is the favourite uncle for the same reason - he plays with them! I’m also aware I’m not the favourite auntie for all our nieces and nephews because I’m not as present or playful as some other aunties and that’s totally fine. Kids don’t have to pander to grown adults.

@Carys same here… I know I am not the favourite auntie to uncle b’s children but am not bothered! I have a lovely relationship with them but I know am not the favourite auntie!

My daughter has a favorite uncle. No one cares or is bothered. I’m not the favorite aunt and for some of them I’m their only aunt. 😂

That's tough. In general, I think it's fine unless she says it to uncle B as it may hurt his feelings and wouldn't be kind. But telling uncle A he is (deservedly) her favorite is so sweet. My daughter absolutely had a favorite cousin, her bigger girl cousin. She's 2 and absolutely idolizes her (shes 5.5). I'm not worried about it (yet lol) but if she ever told her other cousins they are NOT her favorite I would stop her. I'm also not the favorite auntie and I'm not mad lol they don't get to see our sil often but she always brings a present and plays with them and my niece adores her. I might be hurt if she told me but I get it.

I’d probably say it’s okay, but out of 7 aunts and uncles only 1 they see regularly 😅 and the others wouldn’t be upset over it

lol I could understand if it was an issue to where they where both very present in her life, but even then let it go. She isn’t degrading or saying anything hateful, but expressing her love for a family member that has put effort in to having a meaningful relationship!! If anyone is upset and is asking her to dim the love she is expressing, they rnt fully thinking it through or are being selfish.

Why should your daughter hiding her own feelings in her own home around her own parents? He sounds like a terrible dad doing that to her. (It's not about the uncle's it's about wanting her to shut up....) That's awful

I have favourite people so my little boy can too. If adults get offended by this maybe they should question why others are favourites 🤷‍♀️ With children - sure it may make them feel sad they're not favourite but it's unrealistic to be teaching children they have to like/be liked the same as everyone else.

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