Would you travel to a child free wedding and leave your kids overnight with a sitter?

I think if i could afford it and kids wouldn't scream the whole way I would have found a hotel for the night and have hubby and kids stay in it while I went to the wedding by myself and made it a little trip. Or drove there and left early with hubby while having a sitter. You could have also hitched a ride with someone in the friend group since you can't drive far I get that child free weddings can be hard to arrange around, but if she was truly one of your best friends, you'd find a way to make it work. The only way I could see not going is if you didn't have any money, had a breastfeeding baby, or was a single mom with no help

Personally I had a child free wedding. We got a friend of my sisters to look after the children. There weren’t many the parents had a child free night and had fun. I can understand why you feel it’s a bit of a burden. However on the positive side it’s like a date for you and your partner. And yes, anything for the bestie.

She’s being unreasonable, saying you poisoned the friend group etc. knowing you all have kids and have to make accommodations around them with it being 3 hours away. I get having a child-free wedding but that means some people may not be able to attend.

@Kylie my 1yo is still breastfeeding at night and none of our other friends live where I live. We’d all be traveling so picking me up would be extra time. Honestly though, I also feel like she’s also not being considerate as technically all her “best friends” have kids and she’s decided not to include them at a wedding. We all pretty much had child friendly weddings for this reason. It’s just unfair to expect me to bend over backwards to make this work when she made a decision knowing how it might affects all her friends. I get it though, it’s her day big day and everything, so I’ll do my best. I like the idea of perhaps getting a hotel room where my hubby could stay with the kids. We’ll explore that as an option.

For a best friend, yes, I’d make it work somehow. Also… it’s nice of you to have a child friendly wedding yourself because half your friends had kids then, but you said all of you have kids now, so thats what - twice as many kids at least just from your friend group? That’s a lot of little people! And each one usually costs the same as an adult for catering, counts the same towards headcount in the venue, etc… it’s frustrating as parents that not everyone is child friendly, but the reasons why aren’t always straight forward at weddings.

@Sophie my hubby and I have a date night every week. So we get child free time, and I don’t mind leaving the kids alone for a few hours. It’s the inability to drive there alone or having to leave my kids with a sitter overnight that’s the problem. But it sounds like a me problem so I have to figure it out. I just felt it was unfair for her to get mad at me for not seeing a solution to it.

There’s not a chance I’d miss my best friends wedding. Why can’t you get a train and go on your own and leave the kids with their dad? Or do you not have family who would have them just for one night? Or as someone above said get a hotel near but for husband and kids whilst you go. There are options if you’re willing to make the effort. I completely understand why your friend is pissed off. Imagine none of your friends going to your wedding. And child free weddings are not uncommon.

That’s understandable. Weddings are intense. There can be so much pressure. I imagine she would love you there and would be disappointed if you can’t go. Regarding what Rhiannon’s saying weddings are getting more and more expensive and children add to the cost. However, if you weren’t a part of my bridal party I would understand you not being able to go for that reason. It is all up to you in the end. And I wouldn’t have been upset if you declined the invitation.

Do you have a trusted sitter?

I would go and leave the kids at the hotel with my husband for my bestie

@Rhiannon You make some good point but I know for a fact, cost is not an issue. She mentioned it was for “esthetic” reasons and didn’t want “little people running around on her big day”. She’s a perfectionist and thinks kids would somehow ruin her big day. I don’t fully understand it but I understand it’s her choice and her decision and can respect that.

My husband’s niece did go because she was part of the bridal party and her family didn’t look after her. She was climbing on our photographer. She was hitting peoples chairs. She was playing with the candles. My husband yelled over the bridal table multiple times to tell her to stop doing those things. There was more she did. That was my main reasoning. I knew my niece and nephews wouldn’t behave that way. My husband’s niece I knew would. I regret having her a part of the bridal party because it did spoil the day a bit for me.

I have kids and only mine are coming to my wedding!! If I said kids welcome - there would be 32 children!! It’s a wedding not a kids party!!! I totally get why your friend is pissed off. I would get a hotel locally and go solo. If you don’t then your friendship will be affected forever :-(

@Kylie you can't really expect kids to stay in a hotel for a whole day and night, though.

@Haley 💚 you can't expect kids to stay in a hotel with nothing to do all day & night though

I still don't get child free weeding, in my culture its not a thing, but her choice. I went to one this year and it was abroad, so I left my husband with our 3yo, I was also in my first trimester battling with nausea. I almost cancelled but my friend was so disappointed, and guilt trip me. I made the effort to go. I regretted not having my husband and son with me even if her friends were nice and didn't leave me alone. I understand how you feel Incognito, and your friend should understand your situation. It's her choice to do a child free wedding ,so she shouldn't expect every parents to leave their kids to attempt, being closed friend or not. It seems she thinks your kids are a nuisance which is not that friendly neither. I also went to a wedding where a childminder was on site to allow parents to enjoy themselves for few hours. I found that was a great idea. My wedding was with kids and I loved it

I wouldn't go. Unfortunately being parents make we have to miss some events at time. My 12 months old is still bf and I wouldn't leave him overnight just yet. It's fine for them to decide not to accept children in their wedding. They still have to accept that some people won't attend for this exact reason. Both are valid. I love my friends and family but my baby is always my priority above anyone else

My brother said no kids at his wedding. My sitter called and was upset because she couldn’t console my son. I left the reception and brought my son back. It was the first time I left him with someone who wasn’t my sister and he wasn’t ok with it. I felt awful for leaving my poor baby! If it wasn’t my brother, I would have stayed home honestly. I hate weddings lol

@Rachel pretty sure the Dad would take them out. They don’t have to just sit in the hotel the whole time 🤦‍♀️

Personally I wouldn't leave my 1 year old overnight while being that far away. No freaking way. And mine is very attached to her grandparents etc that could baby sit. But 3 hours away from my child at that age I just wouldn't do. My option would prob be for the dad to have them at a hotel room so I could go to the wedding if it was a close friend. But yea if your friends have children and you have a child free event - those friends might not be able to make it 🤷‍♀️

@Rachel surely the dad is capable of taking them to go do something

@Rachel what keeps them from going out? They can drop you off at the wedding if needed and have the day to themselves to do whatever.

So we had a group call last night. Bride is upset because none of us are going. (There are 5 of us, we have known each other for 20 years now and 4 of us are married with kids. She is last to get married and has no kids). She blames me cuz I was the first to say I couldn’t attend the wedding. I pointed out I made that decision independently and I was the only one a 13 month old (all other kids 2-4). I also get seizures and stress hormones are a trigger. Driving more than about 1 hour is stressful for me and could trigger one. 1 friend pointed out that ALL 4 of us had child friendly wedding because we wanted to make sure ALL our close friends and family could attend. When asked about child free decision- she said she didn’t want kids taking attention away from her on her big day. We also learned some relatives were allowed kids (not sure of ages).

God if I was your friend I’d be devastated.

It’s understandable, but I think it’s silly for an adult to be insecure about kids. Our other friends confirmed that they are not going. Honestly, without Hubby there, I won’t really know anyone but the bride and she will be busy all night. To me that’s not worth my hubby and kids driving 6 hours total and staying in a hotel waiting for me. I and 2 others will be going to her bridal party and bachelorette party in FL. We have book flights already. I think that is all I can give for now. Thank you everyone for weighing in. It was all helpful!

I don’t think she’s insecure about kids 🤦‍♀️ she like many others just wants her wedding to run smoothly without children running around or causing issues. That’s completely understandable and it’s a decision LOTS of brides make not just your friend. My best friend has her own kids but still only wanted family children there and not one of us had an issue with that and found ways to get there. Fine if you don’t want to make that effort but I think it’s really mean to judge her on the decision she’s made about her wedding and I imagine the stress you’re all causing is probably going to damage that 20 year friendship quite a lot.

It's her decision to have a child free wedding knowing her closed friends have young children, so she should have expected some of you not being able to make it. I find it unfair of her to guilt you on that, it's not your fault if other of your friends made the same decision as you. It's too bad for her but shouldn't be unexpected neither. It feels like you tried to look at various options and decided it's best not going which is your right. Hopefully she will understand that. Even when children are invited it's sometimes hard to make it work, don't beat yourself up on this

At the end of the day, you didn't make your other friends decide not to go, so she can't really blame you for that. I do wish I'd had a child free wedding, though, because all we can hear on our wedding video is my maid of honor's little girl whining & moaning throughout our whole ceremony.

@Lucy She literally said she doesn’t want attention taken away from her. All 4 of us had kids at our weddings and they ALL went smoothly no issues. In fact the only issue we had at ours were a couple of drunk adults cuz we had an open bar reception. You’re entitled to your opinion but so am I. I’m happy you could it work in your situation doesn’t mean all of us can do that. And just like lots of brides have weddings without kids, lots of brides have wedding with kids 🤷‍♀️ I was more upset that she got angry I couldn’t go. I agree with you on 1 point though, it is her wedding and she can decide whatever she wants.. and she has! So it’s done. We’re all adults though and sometimes we have to make difficult decision, hopefully it won’t affect our friendship cuz my feelings towards her have not changed. My decision doesn’t make me happy, I wish it could be different but I think it’s what’s best for my family for now. Who knows maybe something might change so I can attend.

And why should she have the attention taken away from her on her wedding day. Yes all entitled to our opinions, you asked for ours though ☺️

It’s her day and she can do it how she wants! 🙂 I did! And I said thank you to everyone who weighed in and was moving on but you kept going so I responded 🤷‍♀️

Oh sorry didn’t realise we weren’t allowed to respond anymore.

Okay, you win! You can have the last word if you want so feel free to keep going after this- I’m moving on. Have a wonderful day!

Ummm ok then. Literally just gave my opinion. Not sure why you’ve turned it into a fight. Guess it wasn’t the opinion you wanted. Thanks for the win though ☺️

@Rachel I don’t think anyone is suggesting they stay in the hotel room😂😂 research activities in the area and maybe get a hotel with a pool. It’s just to have a base and for them to be close by

None of you are going!!! That’s given me mean girl vibes. I’m sorry that’s just so awful!!!! I think your 20 year friendship may be up :-( I don’t get some of these comments at all - you are not special just because you have kids 😂😂 Leave them at home with your partner and go solo if it’s an issue?! Most weddings in the uk allow “babes in arms” at child free weddings as they are different but not your full blown toddlers causing chaos. Kids at a wedding gives a totally different vibe. You are 3hrs away not 3 days away 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sounds like you are not that close anymore :-( This is her moment - you have all had yours