Being undermined as a parent

Long story short I have an extremely overbearing and controlling mum I always have. She’s gotten worse since I had the baby, always making decisions about his feeding, changing, routine. I’ve set boundaries and we’ve had major blow ups about it but she constantly does it again. I’m exhausted and don’t know what to do anymore. Honestly I’ve begun to hate her which is sad because I thought having a baby would bring me closer to her but I feel the opposite. I have spoken to her again and again. I have been firm. I have been confrontational. She just won’t back off and I’ve had enough. I feel like I’m just being mean to her all the time because she’s constantly involving herself with my baby, but it’s because she’s forcing me to constantly set boundaries. Then I’m guilted with “I was just trying to help” … when I’ve specifically said to her that I’ll handle everything myself. I just needed to vent because I feel like she’s robbing me of the motherhood experience. My baby is almost a year old and this tension has been ongoing since I have birth.

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Do you live with her?

@Sorrel yeah

I thought you probably did. That does make things harder to maintain boundaries 🫤 is it possible to move out? If you’ve talked and talked, it’s ruining your relationship and making you feel robbed I just can’t see her changing. Do you rely on her financially or for childcare? This sometimes makes parents feel they have a right to share their opinions. Is any of her advice helpful? Can you try to pick your battles? I know sometimes when you’re angry with someone everything they do seems wrong but maybe she does have something to offer? Could you give her a specific role or ‘job’ to be responsible for, like making babies lunches or something 🤷🏽‍♀️ Does she get anytime on her own with the baby where you could have a break and she can get the ‘fussing’ out of her system? If moving isn’t an option just trying to think what might make things more bearable until you can. Is it just the two of you there? Is she still with your dad? Could he or someone else close be a mediator? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Sorry 😢. Don’t give in when she says, “I was just trying to help”… helping is also respecting your boundaries as a person and as a mum. You just have to keep standing up for yourself and it will get better. Otherwise you will keep enabling her behavior.

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