PPD in men

So this is a bit of a heavy one, but my partner has really struggled since our daughter was born 9 months ago. He took two overdoses back in August and then started on antidepressants and counselling, I hoped this could be a massive crash and then we could work on getting him better from there. Since then though he has changed so much, last few weeks he stopped taking the antidepressants and doesn't seem to want to return to counselling. Our relationship has really suffered, back in August at his worst he still seemed invested but now he puts zero effort and says he doesn't have it in him to try so it looks like we're heading toward a break and our first Christmas together as a family is touch and go 😔 He's been so cold towards me and seems like a totally different person. I don't know if I've finally seen him or if the depression has just caused him to be confused about everything and disconnect. Long story short I'm wondering if anyone else's partner has been through this and how did it affect your relationship? I obviously want to support him but I'm feeling a bit lost now because I've no idea where I stand and he's not great at talking

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Oh 😓 I'm so sorry you are all going through this It's a subject that isn't talked enough about at all!!! Yes women go through a lot but it's also a huge upheaval for men too. My girl is 9 months and my partner was having a few issues to start with, nothing compared to yours, and it was only then that I realised men get PPD too. We only got through it because we have both previously has depression in the past so we were able to recognise and we talked A LOT. We still have moments still and we have a code word (humpledinkle lol) when things are getting tough. When we say it, the other one will take control of baby/house and the other will go for a walk. We actively make sure one of us gets breaks away from baby to ourselves and work. I have no advice to give you I'm afraid but I just wanted to give an online hug and I'm sending lots of love 💗

So sorry. Not easy. He definitely needs professional help but nobody can do it but him. It's hard because you love someone and it's not their fault they are sick but it can also damage you if not addressed correctly. And with a baby the safety of bub is paramount. I hope he can manage to go back to treatment. And hugs and strength to you. As well If you and bub have to be away for him to save himself then please don't be guilty.

Hey my second baby is 9mo and I think my husband has PPD. It has absolutely affected our relationship as he gives everything to our kids and has nothing left for himself or us. It is hard for him but hard for you too. Do you have anyone who can give you both breaks? We have no family and it was one of the reasons why he is at breaking point so we just bit the bullet and paid for a nanny once a week to come and relieve us. He gets time to do whatever he wants to and I get a break as well. After a few weeks of regular alone time we're hoping that we can have some us time to reconnect. If your partner has OD'd twice and has suicidal thoughts then he needs professional help regularly. If he is actively suicidal then he'll need to go to a&e and contact GP etc. with his permission could you ask to talk to his therapist and let them know? Or ask him if you could both go to a session together? Maybe the therapist isn't getting Full picture of his condition right now

@Emma thanks so much for your response. Open communication is really key, we're quite good with chatting but not so much with emotions, well on his side so that's our struggle atm. Appreciate you reaching out ❤️

@Jamie I think the lack of family support may be part of the issue, my family are nearby but small so we don't have much support. His family are hours away so we don't have their help either. He is also very good at giving himself breaks and goes to the gym 5 days a week while I never get a break, so selfishness is part of the problem 😔 He actually started the therapy and antidepressants after I brought him to A&E the first time. I thought the therapy helped him gain some perspective and keep bringing up the suggestion of him going back but he is saying it wasn't that helpful so isn't keen to go back. He also refuses to go to joint counselling so it's tough atm, he won't help himself or us.

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