Guilt
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Watch this https://youtu.be/ifllgTA2pmY It helps alot
I’m so sorry about the loss of your cousin and about the anxiety you are feeling. Please know that being nervous about giving birth is completely normal - we have embarked on a wonderful and beautiful yet risky endeavor here and you are right - there is a lot that could go wrong, there is also a lot that can go right. Our bodies are generally equipped to be able to give birth. That said, please tell your provider how you are feeling. They will answer questions and help create a plan that makes you feel more confident. It sounds like you would also greatly benefit from talking to a professional as you have some unsettled grief and worries. If you share where you are generally located and your insurance, I would be happy to help find you some resources. There are also some mental health medications that are pregnancy safe that could help. I hate that you are struggling, especially when there are things that could help. As for fear of judgment - this is just spiraled thinking. 1/2
Your friends and your family love and support you. They are on your side. And even if they don’t understand, they want you to be healthy and have a healthy birth. More likely than not, they will support whatever decision you make ❤️ Hope all goes well for the rest of your pregnancy. You can do this. 2/2
It is totally up to you how you want to give birth! And also you don't need to tell everyone the real reason for this. My main reason is that I'd like things planned and also I am that unlucky that I'd probably be a few days in labour to then have emergency c section anyway, so why even bother. Also statistics are showing that 1/3 of the births are turning into emergency c sections more or less, so you'd rather have it planned and have a piece of mind! x