traumatised.

*long one* i found out i was pregnant last january, and moved in with my partner & his mum at the time. at the beginning this were great, we all got along, it wasn’t until i hit around 15 weeks everything went downhill. i was physically and mentally neglected by my partner the whole pregnancy. he spent so much time on xbox and would go straight to sleep. i’d be crying in the bed behind him, he’d turn to look at me and then he’d just go back to what he was doing. i ended up being repulsed by my partner. although we’re in a better place now we’re moved out. i still can’t forgive him. nor anyone who treated me the way they did. his mother was evil. she would constantly target me during arguments. she made it very clear she didn’t respect me nor did she respect my boundaries. after my c section, i was in a bad way. i couldn’t walk although i tried to, i peed myself multiple times as i was unable to make it to the bathroom. and the whole time i was attacked by my partner. because his mother would say something and he’d repeat it back to me. i feel awful because i genuinely can’t remember most of my pregnancy. it’s almost as if my body has just blocked it out. and for my first pregnancy i wanted to enjoy it. i wanted to blossom but instead i was disrespected over and over. i’ve cut contact with MIL, and she no longer sees our child. but i just can’t get over my pregnancy. i often sit there and just have a cry about it. no one ever deserves to feel the way i felt. i loved my pregnancy, i loved growing my girl & feeling her kick etc. however i did not enjoy the way i was treated. since moving out my partner has now seen how wrong things were and he keeps apologising, which yes i’m grateful for but i cannot forgive. i don’t know what to do or how to go about things because this eats me up every single day.