Postpartum Rage…

I feel so defeated I have always longed to be a mother. Now that I am my mother of two I feel like I was not meant to be a mother. Maybe that’s why God put infertility in my life. Both of my children are IVF., Since I gave birth to my second child (1mnth ago) I have this nasty rage that I cannot stand any crying.. I feel guilty and ashamed of my reactions towards things that my toddler does. At the end of the night I find myself crying. Before I put him to bed, I cuddle him, kiss him and apologize for the way I reacted to any tantrum that he did. Postpartum rage has me really scared and it’s making me feel lonely.