Mental delema

So I know both of our feelings are equally important and valid.. but how would you handle this? I know I’m also extra hormonal with pregnancy but it still gets to me yuno..? So we have a 15mo son and expecting baby boy #2 in 15 weeks or so. I have always dreamed of 3-4 kids genders do not matter to me but I would love one little girl, but if I got 4/4 boys I would love that just the same. We didn’t discuss it after baby #1, and now with baby #2 otw hubby says NO MORE. End of discussion. He won’t even discuss it or see it from my side. He just says no and gets mad when I bring up anything of even potentially adding one more and takes it out on me when others say maybe one more too. I understand his side, 2u2 is a lot, 2 is a lot, financially, mentally, etc. I just wish he had told me from the start he only wanted 2. When it came up in discussion it was brought up he never cared if he bad kids or not but his ex wanted 5 and he never said it wasn’t something he was hard against. From my side my first pregnancy was a MMC at 9 weeks. My second resulted in our son, but the doctors and situation made it incredibly stressful and I hated most of it. Our 3rd was an oopsie that was a chemical at 6w roughly. 4th is also an oopsie and while he’s getting happy and excited now he pushed for an abortion at first and put next to no effort in for the first 15ish weeks. I just want one pregnancy that is planned and everyone’s excited for.. not to mention I have again always wanted 3-4 and have expressed that from the time we got together. All I ask is don’t say no entirely, no for now is fine, but be open to a conversation when they’re 4/5 and we may want another. Just don’t shove it off the table entirely, but no for now is fine. And he says no I don’t want anymore period and gets mad at me.. idk what to do. I understand if he doesn’t want more he doesn’t but I wish that would have been discussed from the getgo so I was mentally prepared for 2 and done. Now I feel like half of this pregnancy was robbed from me because he was so uninvolved at first. How would you handle this?

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You cannot expect him to change his thoughts and wants on this situation, the same way he cannot expect you to. You saying no for now is okay but be open to the conversation later, is just getting your hopes up for something that likely won’t change, and he’ll likely be thinking the same that your thoughts will hopefully change. This isn’t a situation where you can compromise, you either have more kids or you don’t. You need to be having a serious conversation with him and see if he thinks that he is 100% never going to change his mind. Then, you have to think about your feelings. If this is something that is absolutely non negotiable for you, and you feel it is something that you will always regret not doing, then unfortunately you need to think about the fact that you and him may not be the best fit. You need to think seriously about if this is a dealbreaker for you and go from there but you cannot expect him or push him to do something that he doesn’t want to do, especially kids ❤️

People say that you never regret the children that you do have, only the ones that you didn’t. As much as I love this phrase, and it is true a lot of the time, it isn’t always the case. I know many cases, in real life and through posts on here, where having more kids (especially when one parent wanted to more than the other) has ruined a relationship and family life. If he happens to be one of those people that cannot love the child the same as he didn’t want another, you don’t want your baby to have to go through that 🥺 I think it’s important you sit and think about how important this is for you, and what your best option is moving forward. But expecting him, or hoping that he will change his mind isn’t helpful, as he likely won’t or he may feel pressured to and then you never know how it will turn out. And you deserve the family that you’ve always dreamed of, if that is more children and it is super important to you, then you deserve to have that. ❤️

@Ellie-May If I am being completely honest, he’s it for me. If he puts his foot down and truly says no more than that’s okay. I’m happy with the kids I have, but I just wish he would at least have a sit down discussion with me opposed to his anger and shutting me down. I’ve not brought it up but a handful of times, but his family makes jokes every time we see them which I know is souring his mood towards it even more. I won’t deny I hope his feelings on the matter changes as I know he’s terrified of what’s to come with 2u2, but if it doesn’t that’s valid and I understand. I just wish he would talk to me over shutting me down immediately and not wanting to discuss it at all. As well as maybe told me ahead of time so I was prepared.. but if this is our last that’s perfectly okay too. I’m happy with my little family truly.

@incog if it isn’t a dealbreaker for you then that’s great and i’m glad you are happy ❤️ If that’s what’s best for you then that is the right decision. You never know, he may change his mind in a few years, but I didn’t want you to sit and be hoping for that if this is a dealbreaker for you and then be years and years down the line wishing you’d have done things differently ❤️ I would speak to him again, explain to him that it’s absolutely okay if he does not change his mind, but you want to have a proper discussion on the matter and not just be shut out. Regardless of what the conversation is about, he should be able to have it without shutting you out and getting angry ❤️

Just leave it. Don't discuss it for another 2 years. He will probably come around when the kids are older.

@Ella I have only brought it up one time and that’s after he was ranting to me about his family bringing it up. He had said he does not want more and I said well I’d like at least one more and here’s my reasons and before I could even say half he said no end of discussion for you and them. His family likes to but in unfortunately so we’ve spaced ourselves other than family functions but we announced our pregnancy to them over Christmas because we’re over half way and it’s another boy so it immediately started “when are you trying for the next one” “oh I bet you wish it was a girl” while I would love a girl I’m so so happy with my boys they are the light of my life even being kicked in the lungs 😂 I plan to leave it and reopen when they’re a bit older I just kinda needed to vent and see what others would do as I know this is a common topic in these groups. Regardless of anything I’m happy with my partner and the kids we have. More than I could have ever imagined. ❤️

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