Sex life after having kid

Get his testosterone levels checked.

Different option maybe there’s such thing as sex therapy?! I think you guys can overcome this just need to figure out what’s going on with him, maybe his testosterone levels are low or he’s stressed about something unrelated, i’d make it clear sex is really important to you and the relationship and that you need to work together to find a solution, it’s definitely a him problem you just have to get through together!

Thank you ladies! Sometimes I don’t know how to bring it up because I don’t want to make him feel like he doesn’t make me happy because he does and when we have sex it’s AMAZING. I’ll try and gently bring this up with him!

Honestly you got this girl, to be honest I’m definitely the initiator too which i’ve bought up a few times s it isn’t good for the self-esteem! But you can get through it, we did!

I definitely think you should talk to him about how you’re feeling. I know it’s a difficult topic to discuss, because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. But if you don’t bring it up, you’re suffering in silence. Be gentle, use “I statements,” check in with him to see what his headspace is. Communication is key here. Good luck!

Are you sure he's not...has his interest elsewhere?

I don’t like any of them options, you need to have a proper conversation with him about it and go from there

@Indi yeah I know he’s not cheating, if he’s not at work he’s home and he isn’t acting like he’s hiding anything.

Okay that's good ! I agree with the ladies, talk to him about how you're feeling ❤️

To be honest, I wish my husband was more like your husband because I can quite easily go without it now. My husband, not so much 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Rachel I was going to say ironically there was a post from a lady on here last week about her husband wanting sex but that she never wants it and the husband was called coercive and abusive for bringing up it had been a long time!

I think it’s very common after having kids - you’re more exhausted and stressed so naturally it may decrease. However I’d tell him how you feel and see what he says. At the end of the day you can’t make someone want it when they don’t, equally if sex is a big enough issue for you, you can’t stay in a relationship where you’re not satisfied with it! Don’t take it to heart he’s likely very attracted to you he’s just knackered and can’t be bothered!

I totally get the feeling of not wanting to initiate anymore after being rejected, that shite sucks, especially postpartum after your body's been through so many changes 🫠 I'd talk to him about checking his testosterone levels because I've heard somewhere that fathers lose some when they have children as a nature's way to ensure he stays with the mother and baby 😅 Sex is important but also these things can go up and down in a relationship and if you were on the other end of this, how would you feel if he proposed he should get 😺 elsewhere because you're not putting out enough? For men it's even more difficult because it's hard work getting it up when they're just not in the mood. Maybe suggest he spends a day every weekend outdoors being physically active and doing something he enjoys, has a nice relaxing shower when he's back (maybe put essential oils like sandalwood or jasmine in the toilet right before) and I think he's more likely to want it then 🤞🏻🤞🏻

Does he work out? The more muscle you have, the more testosterone you make

I would get him some energy pills or ones that increase sex drive (maca root?) because that’d do my head in 😭 I need my tension relief dude!

How would y’all bring it up? I’ve brought it up before in a very gentle way and he could just kind of shuts down about it and doesn’t wanna talk about it. I just don’t know how to go about it to where the conversation would stay open.

Is he having issues getting up?

1. I'd probably reel him in by asking him how he's been feeling lately etc when he's just chilling on the sofa or in the bed, because I also wouldn't want to swamp him with how I need him to do better if he's got things on his chest and I could end up thinking those things should be the priority over my needs. I wouldn't try to fix anything then, I'd just listen as if he's just my friend that wants to vent and ask supporting questions to help him open up. If he just says he's fine/good, I'd tell him how I was thinking about us picking up some hobbies or spending more time outdoors, either together or separately and if he liked the thought of that. If he did, what kind of hobby would he like to pick up?

2. I wouldn't talk about why I'm bringing these questions up if the conversation is going and flowing well. If he seems bothered by my questions and really wants to know why I'm asking these questions, that's when I'd bring up how I'd really want to connect more with him as I feel a bit disconnected since becoming a family of three and how I was thinking about how to reconnect and the idea I got was that being more physically active/ spending more time outdoors would make us individually happier and that would hopefully lead to us laughing more, being happier together and hopefully even get our sex life back to how it used to be. I'd basically just try to be there for him if something's wrong, and if not, I'd make it a positive conversation about how we can be even happier together than we are at the moment. I feel like my husband is always more open to what I'm saying if he doesn't feel like I'm blaming him for something or I don't think he's doing a good enough job of making me happy...

@Stella totally understand this and it’s great advice! He does make me very happy it’s just this area that’s been struggling lately. One thing tho is he does not open up. I assume when he was growing up his dad taught him to “be a man” because my husband is convinced that he can’t open up to me. That he shouldn’t put any of that on me. I’ve tried telling him that I love him and he can tell me anything, that I’m always here for him in every way but he still refuses to open up. So if something is wrong he’ll keep it to himself. He doesn’t really like doing things outdoors, I love it. His happy place is doing projects/building things. He’s really good at it. I’ve tried telling him before that I want to connect with him emotionally that I feel it’s important to have that connection (not talking about sex, like just emotionally) but he doesn’t want anything to do with it and if I think about it that could be why I want to have more sex with him.. because it’s the only time I feel

@Stella truly emotionally connected with him…

@Indi not normally no