Losing my best friend.

I'm losing my best friend of 20 years and honestly, I'm upset that I'm not more upset about it. My best friend isn't really in kids, and has no intention of having any of her own. When I got pregnant, she said she was shocked by how excited she was to be an aunt (literal and honorary, as her husband and my partner are brothers). She threw me a Halloween themed baby shower and dressed up as an "Aunt Ant". But as soon as my son was born she had absolutely no interest in him. In the year and a half that I was on maternity leave, she came to see me twice. I couldn't go visit her because we only have one car and my partner had it at work, but she lives and works about a 10 minute drive from us and she has large gaps in her day where she usually goes home for an hour or two. When my son was 2 months old, I broke my arm and she was mad at me because I didn't go to her pole dancing recital, but when I asked her to come to a bridal show with me (she was going to be my maid of honour, but I'm reconsidering that at this point) she said she couldn't because she had to go for a run that day. I feel like she's been extremely self-centred and her "excitement" while I was pregnant was very performative. Am I having unreasonable expectations of her showing even the smallest interest in my son? She's never liked kids much, so maybe I shouldn't have believed her excitement would last after he was born. I don't really know what to do because we basically have all mutual friends, plus we see eachother at our SO's family events. Am I the asshole here?

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Just keep it cordial for family purposes but If she has no interest, take it as face value. Not a true friend 🤷🏼‍♀️ things change after you have babies

You have every right to be upset. Having a friend for 20 years, she obviously knows you well and what you want in her life and should be happy for you even though she wants different things in her life. It seems like she is being selfish and looking for excuses. A good friend would be there for you no matter what, they can make time or reschedule things to help you when you broke your arm. Have you tried speaking to her about how you feel about it all?

@Kelly we talked about it after I missed her pole dancing recital. She said it was unfair of me to place expectations on her knowing that she's not into kids, and that she felt like I wasn't making an effort in our friendship either. She was probably right about that, but I feel like having a new baby and a broken arm was a pretty reasonable excuse...

Some women just aren’t into kids, esp if they don’t have kids of their own. I wouldn’t expect a woman close to me that doesn’t have kids to have any interest, it’s a bonus if she does but I wouldn’t expect that of her. You can still be friends, not just a friendship that includes your kids, like she’ll probably be the first person I can call if I wanted a baby free day out doing pedi or brunch or dinner or drinks at night, something adult. My sisters weren’t really good aunties to my kids because they didn’t know how, didn’t have their own yet, plus they were living their own lives. When I checkup w friends w kids I don’t really ask how the kids are, I ask how THEY are. Some women are kid people, some aren’t.

I'm sure there will be another time to go to her pole dancing recital. She also needs to understand that some mothers aren't ready to leave their little one and need some time. I understand some people don't like kids, but there's no need to be rude to someone who has one. She could also ask to go for a coffee with just you etc.

Omg, I can sooo relate to this. My bf of 25+ yrs is a mother of 6, I have 2, but I feel we are going to fall out soon because she only wants to hang out in adult settings. Bar,concerts,party,etc. but she’s not really interested in doing things together with kids as much. I don’t get out a lot since my 2nd is only 8months old,but if I don’t go out w/her, she usually just avoids me for days. Guess people grow apart so many years. _ _ \ ( ) /

Sounds like the friendship is over, she is making no effort whatsoever

Girl that literally happened to me. Its very sad but in majority of situations friendships dont survive unless new life changes are shared. Its the same test if one of u is single and the other one is getting married. However, unlike in this example baby is not a husband and u cant just leave it home and go out. People without kids will never understand people with kids because they live in different universes and it takes a huge effort and commitment on both sides to have friendship survive that. I dont think ur wrong, I would be just as hurt in ur situation. Sending hugs

@Anna thank you

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