One and done?

Just came here to say that if your girlie doesn’t sleep through, maybe consider getting her iron levels checked. Obviously I have absolutely no context to the whys and wherefores so might not be relevant for you, but my guy was a horrendous sleeper and once we got his iron levels up he now sleeps through. I reckon he was 2 before he did. A friends kiddo was the same. Sleep deprivation makes everything harder, be kind to yourself

Preach 🙌 I hate parenting too tbh, I feel like I’m drowning, I have 2 kids, both close in age and my son is autistic so it makes things even harder! I’m here if you want to have a vent

I felt the same way having a kiddo who hates sleep. Once she started sleeping better, things got better. She’s 2 and even now she wakes up occasionally wanting to eat or being sick so we have to make sure she eats and/or has pediasure before bed to get her to sleep through. But man if she goes to bed too early or naps too long, she’s up for the day around 5 or 530 and ok I struggle those days. Do you have a good support system? I know if my girl is having a long day, I can drive an hour to see my parents and let her play while I rest or on weekends my husband and I take turns getting extra sleep so that helped me feel like I could handle another kid just because I know I have the support I need to get necessary breaks as I’m also a SAHM so I’m with her 24/7

I feel the same. I always pictured having 2 kids but I think im one and done tbh x

@Emma That’s really interesting, thankyou! I’ll see if we can get tested though kid blood tests are so awful to watch 😭

@Rebecca You’re braver than me but it must be so so hard 😩 💕

@Katie Our support system is pretty small 😩 they’re really great but we pretty much only have like one set of people (my mum and stepdad) who can look after her sometimes. I’d love for her to sleep more! We take it in turns to sleep and then swap so we both get like an hour extra. At the moment she wakes up about 6:30 and that’s after being awake practically all night so then is naturally hysterical for the majority of the day despite napping. It’s just so much 😭

I understand that! We only have my parents too and they’re an hour away. Is she waking up hungry or just waking up?

@Katie it differs! Mostly just wakes up :/ and can’t resettle herself

Just curious, if you hate parenting, why didn't you go back to work? Personally I feel like a balance of work and home life improves my mental health. I think more people struggle than would admit but social media paints a different picture.😊

@Ruth I’m self employed so work from home regardless. We can’t afford nursery and only become eligible for 15 hours in April

Every time you see something online of someone loving every minute, and having a great time just remember it’s a highlight reel. They’ll also have times where it’s hard. Difficult to remember when it’s all we see but still. I’m one and done too (have a stepson too but just 1 from me). I find this toddler stage hard - big feelings, wanting to be independent but can’t fully do it or communicate it properly. Absolutely no reasoning with them, but still very dependent on us, tantrums, sleep problems, food problems, etc. etc. it never ends. You can love your child and want the best for them and still dislike parts of parenting. The fact you’re worrying shows you’re not a bad mum. Also, this is your first time too. We don’t get a practice run or training, this is it, we’re doing our best with what we know and what we have. I work 3 days a week (5hr shifts) and some days it feels like a holiday! Would definitely recommend finding something if possible, helps you feel more human I found!

@Emma was so hopeful about this and asked the doctor and they’ve said they won’t do it because they’ve never heard of iron related to sleep and that blood tests are traumatic for 2 year olds (she’s had them before as she’s a premmie) 🥲🥹

What's your rough routine? Lack of sleep makes everything so much harder and regularly makes me question if we want another. We've found a lot of progress on sleep by expecting less overnight and cutting day sleep a bit x

I’m pregnant with our third and my first two are 2 and 3 with a 15 month gap. Just wanted to say I’m so ridiculously happy with my life and I wouldn’t change our kids for the world BUT it’s absolutely exhausting and I haven’t been me for a very long time. I have full days/weeks where I think what the hell am I doing. My husbands in the army and he’s currently in Saudi Arabia until March and we don’t live near family so it’s just me and the kids and again I go through days where I don’t talk to any adults other than FaceTime to my Mum or husband. It’s lonely and it’s hard but of course my instagram is full of happy lovely moments. I’ve definitely tried to find a balance of posting our highlights and our realities but it also makes me feel better to go back and scroll through our good moments when I’m drowning. Never feel bad for how you feel! I think if more of us were honest about how bloody hard it all is then there’d be so much less stigma around it and it would be easier to open up.

Also the sleep deprivation is genuinely a torture method so of course you will feel like this after 2 years of it. My little boy used to wake up every 7 minutes and have to spend hours trying to settle him for him to wake up again 7 minutes later. It was absolutely the lowest point for me. I loved him so much but I just couldn’t function and I was miserable. It really made me think I could never do it again. What you’re feeling is so, so valid! I think I was probably happier when I wasn’t a stay at home Mum but we had to move from North Yorkshire to central London for my husbands latest posting and nursery was more than triple what we were paying so I just had to stop working because there was no way we could afford it. It’s like your told you should be doing it all but society makes it so difficult to work and afford nursery and if you stay home your expected to love every second but actually it’s relentless and you can’t afford to do all the fun things that would make it better 🙃

@Stephanie she’ll nap anytime between 11-1 depending how she’s feeling/what we’re doing and I’m limiting her to an hour and a half rather than 2 hours. Then about 6/6:30, go upstairs for tidying, books and this little story projector thing! asleep by 7/7:30. But then back up by 11

@Gemma gosh this must be so so hard 😭😩 I think we definitely missed the mark when I came to getting pregnant again for siblings! We always wanted a small age gap but now our little girl is just too much to handle I remember reading about naps when she was little and she was the same. The advice was like 2 hour naps and she was having about 17 minutes at a time! It’s so true about making it hard for women. I’d love to put my all into being a SAHM mum money is too tight for that so once she’s in bed I have to be trying to find work/doing work. I definitely wouldn’t cope for such long periods on my own, I’m sure you’re doing a fab job! Relentless is definitely a word I would use 😂

Sleep deprivation makes everything harder. I am honestly such a better mum when I’ve had a good sleep, and only like a 20% mum when I’m exhausted. I would really recommend talking to a sleep consultant like we did, we didn’t do cry it out or anything like that but after night 3 he slept through ever since. Sending love, you’re doing great 🩷

@Beth that sounds incredible! What was their method? We’re currently on a waiting list for a local sleep foundation thing which is free. I know there’s lots of people online but they seem to cost a fortune!