Clueless on what to do

My daughter (3.5) is generally well-behaved but is feisty and definitely tries to test boundaries. Fine, I get it, part of her stage of development. However, for some bizarre reason, her behaviour when my mum comes to visit us is embarrassingly bad. She does things she would never normally do (e.g. trying to pull the blinds off the window, crumpling up food in her hand and dropping it on the floor deliberately). I’m so upset by it as I honestly think my mum just thinks this is how my child behaves normally. Whenever she’s around any other family member or my partner’s family, this simply doesn’t happen. We just have the usual 3.5 year old behaviour of being a bit cheeky. What on earth is going on? Is it a jealousy thing? The part that upset me the most is when I got mad with her yesterday and asked her why she isn’t being kind to Grandma (she was also so rude to her), she kept saying ‘I don’t like her.’ This broke my heart; my mum is my rock and adores my daughter. It also broke me because I couldn’t believe my daughter would say such a thing. She has never said this about anyone else, ever. Please help 😔

Show your support

If she is saying she doesn't like your mother, although it might be upsetting to you, it is vital you try to understand why your daughter feels this way about your mother without judgement. So try to talk to your baby nicely and understand why she feels that way. If you get mad at her, it would discourage your child to speak her mind and express emotions freely x sm

It’s so hard at this age to understand what’s going on in their mind. Does she spend much time with your mum? Alone and with you? What’s the dynamics normally?

What about if you go out somewhere with your mum or go to your mums? Does she spend time alone with your mum or is it always at your house? It's a difficult question but could there be any chance of a sinister reason you need to explore? I'm wondering whether it's jealousy that she doesn't know how to express? If your mum is one of your favourite people and she's needing to act out to gain your attention? I remember once, my nephew told me to go home because he didn't want me to be there anymore (he was about 3 or 4) and I was so upset but in hindsight me and my sister hadn't seen each other for ages and had spent the morning shopping.

Before I read the part where she said she doesn't like your mum, I was going to ask what their relationship is like. I would be asking why she doesn't like grandma or what grandma has done to make her feel like that. And maybe also tell fun loving stories from your childhood with your mum. Is she the same if it's just her and grandma?

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌