Grief over breastfeeding

Hello mums! My baby is almost 5 months old and has struggled with latching since birth due to forceps delivery and no one telling me that I should’ve been seeing an osteopath right away… he wouldn’t latch at all at the beginning, then latched a little mostly through shields, and then completely rejected my breast. Ive been pumping milk all this time to give him at least some of my breastmilk, but my supply has been dwindling, probably because the stimulation isn’t as effective as with breast feeding. At this stage he’s eating 50% breastmilk and 50% formula which I also feel so sad about. I’m experiencing a lot of grief over this, I dreamt of breastfeeding my baby and I’m still trying here and there but it always ends with screams. I’ve been to multiple breastfeeding cafes, saw a lactation consultant, physiotherapist and an osteopath and nothing seems to be working. Though I know that perhaps it’s time to accept it for what it is, a part of me is reluctant to. I guess I’m reaching out to ask if anyone else has been on the same boat? Or any mums out there who managed to still latch their babies this late? The pumping is driving me mad and takes 90% of my headspace daily… I also feel angry with myself as I’m not longer able to wake up twice a night unless my baby does, so I often skip a pump and hence further decrease my supply… Anyway, I’d be really grateful for any words of wisdom or encouragement :(

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Breastfeeding is HARD! You're doing your best for your baby, give yourself lots of credit for trying, you deserve that! One thing I've definitely heard affects latch is tongue tie, but sometimes you need a private specialist to actually fix it. You've done the best you could for your baby! You're a great mum.

Breastfeeding is hard! My baby was able to latch fine but I only breastfed for 3 weeks & pumped for a further week after that. I was so sad to stop but it was the best thing to do for all of us. It’s ok to stop if you want to. You’ve managed 5 months and that is AMAZING! Pumping is so hard & so hard to find the time for, you can stop for even the basic reason that you don’t want to do it anymore. You don’t have to justify it for anyone or for yourself. I know it’s hard & it feels sad to stop but it’s totally ok! 💕

Lots of hugs to you. I understand the grief. I have no experience of a non latching baby myself but have heard of a few cases of babies latching at older ages. 4 months plus. It may be worth asking in one of the bf Facebook groups for people in your situation.

Wow you’re amazing and doing a great job! I had a supply issue & did EVERYTHING to get it up. Lactation classes at the hospital, lactation specialists, foods,drinks etc. I breastfed for 6 weeks until one day it took me a whole days worth of pumping to get just a few drops of milk. He had a hard time latching too & I also used the shields. Id feed him formula a little as to not torture him, then put him on each side trying for 15 mins for that stimulation with him squirming or just upset bc my flow was slow, then power pump & regular pump every 2 hours! Then formula. I had to stop because of my mental health physical & my baby needed me. That colostrum in the beginning milk is what is important for them to get. I don’t know your personal reasons, but a high-quality formula can provide similar things that breast-feeding can provide.Make a list that may help. I know you had a vision of you continuing to breast-feed but things change you gotta adapt to it. Your little one needs all of you!

Around 4/5 months we started doing 50/50 too and it was hard mentally for me too! But I eventually got over it, but I was pumping alllll the time. Pumping while he was eating, and all day, it was exhausting! Around 7 months I was DONNNE with pumping and finally put the pump away, and said I’m just going to offer my boob and something changed with him where he takes my boob now, maybe his suck got better?! Maybe the older they get the stronger the suck is. He feeds now in the morning and maybe a little before a bottle or after a bottle. I feel like as long as he has a bottle there too, my boob is used as either an appetizer or a topper-offer… if I offer my boob first, I have the bottle ready so he doesn’t get upset if my milk stops. Knowing I can still give him my boob before or after feels good for me! He gets majority formula, but I wasn’t ready to be done with breastfeeding but hated the stress that came with the pumping and fussiness. So this is how I was able to make it work!

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