Am I over reacting?

Husband and I are sleeping in separate rooms to give each other a break to sleep through every other night whilst we take turns having the baby. It was his turn last night. I was having a nightmare that my baby died and I woke up in tears and rushed to his room. He was asleep holding a bottle of milk and the baby had fallen forward and her face pressed against the mattress. I am beside myself. I can’t stop crying because what if she suffocated? I feel like I cant trust my husband now to look after her!! Not sure how many times I’ve explained to him that if he gets to the point where he could fall asleep, he should always put her in her crib or wake me up. He always agrees and understands this, but clearly hasn’t followed through with this. Am I over reacting? Is it okay for the baby to be on her front with her face in the mattress? I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my nightmare forced me to wake up and check on her either, I’m really freaked out and don’t know how to deal with this

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Oh gosh, that must have been so scary for you. Your instincts are powerful 🤍 I don’t think you are over reacting, this is really important stuff. Totally get your husband is exhausted though but it’s really important he puts them in their crib when he starts to feel this way. It’s normal for us new mums to be on high alert and feel protective. Try and be kind to husband aswell as he is doing his best to take care of you all, sounds like he just had a moment. Good luck today, try and remember everything is okay xx

No its not okay whatsoever but things happen and I'm sure he didn't do this on purpose. There has been a couple of times where my little one has woken up and I've put him on my chest to cuddle him and make sure he's okay, and we have both fallen asleep and I've woke up 2 hours later to him still on my chest. Its totally accidental, but waking up every night and not having more than 3/4hours sleep at a time can be draining. Maybe get a chair in your room and tell him he needs to get up and sit in the chair with her. That stimulation migjt keep him awake

Oh my goodness that must of been so scary! Exhaustion is very scary but I don’t think you are over reacting one bit! Make sure to support your husband as he would not of intentionally fallen asleep and he is probably beating himself up! But explain to him that it’s a bit of a wake up call and that if he is feeling tired then maybe start feeding her downstairs so he’s up and out of bed and woken up abit xx

I accidentally fell asleep a few times, too! Sometimes these things happen but he needs to understand the seriousness of it.

I’ve also accidentally drifted once whilst feeding in bed, my head bobbed and woke me up so baby didn’t even move or stop feeding but made me feel awful. No parent is perfect and without mistakes, be grateful you were there to catch it out and I would say chat to him about what you can both do to work together to stop it happening again. Maybe alternate nights is too much and you need to split the night up?

Those mentioning his exhaustion etc. my baby does not wake up in the night. She sleeps through and my husband and I very luckily get a full night asleep. He isn’t exhausted, what happened this morning occurred around 8am after a full nights sleep. I really don’t think it can be rationalised and compared to others experiences who are genuinely exhausted and sleep deprived and woken multiple times in the night. I think we’re going to have to stay in the same room again, the only reason we were separate is because I’m the worlds lightest sleeper so when the baby wakes in the morning, it gives me a lie in whilst he feeds etc. every other day. I’ve told him how I felt and sent him (again) lullaby trust info but he shrugs it off. I cannot express enough to him that it’s the difference between life and death but he thinks I’m overreacting

I don’t think your overreacting and my husband has fallen asleep with our little one and he’s had a ear full from me because it’s not worth the risk in my eyes. However my husband now makes sure baby is in his moses basket if he feels to sleepy or gets me and my husband does not think it’s an overreaction and appreciates it’s a new mum having normal protective feelings. My husband has my newborn most nights at the moment because I have 2 other children and it’s his way of helping me out as he works a lot (he’s a slight workaholic lol) he also sleeps downstairs with baby and I sleep in our bed alone and it makes a huge difference! Please don’t allow your husband to make you feel bad as I would do the same 💓

@Leah thank you for speaking the truth. I’m made to feel like I’m overreacting. I don’t think anyone on here would react differently to me if they found their baby almost suffocating next to their dad because he fell asleep. We already have a chair in the room for feeding but he chooses not to use it. It’s difficult for me to be a team with him when this wasn’t an accident it was a choice but I’m made to feel like it’s no big deal

You are not overreacting. The way you feel is completely natural. I hope you can find some peace over the next few days after an emotional time x

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