in Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Baby daddy drama

I just need to vent. I'm so annoyed at my baby daddy right now. I've been with my husband for 3 years now and my daughter is 5. Baby daddy was only there for her first birthday and then shortly after I left him. Long story short, he was an abusive cheater, hence why I left. We went through the court process, I got full custody, he got supervised visitation and had to go through alcohol abuse therapy. He has not made any effort to see her and has not seen her since the day I left him. He keeps trying to say if we ourselves can come to an agreement so he can see her, but I still have ptsd from being with him that even seeing past messages from him triggers anxiety attacks. And she hasn't seen him in 4 years so she has no idea who he is. Not to mention that he was the only that said he would be doing weekly check ins (messaging me to ask how she's doing) and it's been about 2.5 years since he last even asked the question "how is she doing". And I have brought it up to him multiple times about how he has still yet to ask how she is doing and he STILL won't ask the stupid question. Fast forward to now, I asked him about 6-8 months ago if he would be willing to sign over his parental rights and barely last month he told me no he wouldn't. I asked him if this means he would be more involved in her life if he's refusing to do so and he instantly went to blaming the court documents for not allowing us to do the visitation place we agreed on (all he needs to do is request we go back to court to change the location on the document) and then went back to blaming me for not making a deal outside of court for him to see her. With the kind of trauma he left me I'm not doing a damn thing related to him without court documents. He kept trying to convince me to "just work with him and he really wants to be part of her life" but still makes no efforts. I consistently told him we need to go through the courts if he wants to do that. I told him I would not stand in his way if he did because it would not benefit me to do so. Then he goes on to tell me he appreciates me for all ive done for her like 🙄 I wanted her from the moment I was pregnant with or without him. His appreciation for me means absolutely nothing. I'm just so annoyed that he's gona make it harder for us to get the parental rights revoked because now we have to wait the 6 months again of him not contacting again so we can file the child abandonment paperwork and make it easier to get the rights transfered to my husband. I just can't wait to get this done and over with, I'm tired of it hanging over my head.

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Good you're going through court. And he's had every opportunity to see her because he had supervised visits. If he can't even attend those then he's all shit about wanting to do visitation without court involved. You did the right thing getting custody through court, protecting your daughter from anyone trying to take her from you.

You've done everything the correct way, and you've protected your daughter in the process. I don't mean to generalise, but I've been around recovering addicts and ongoing substance misusers (including alcohol) for a large portion of my life and they're often not the safest people for your children. You've already expressed that you have sustained trauma from him, why is he so adamant to have his daughter outside of supervised visits? Is he hoping to use her against you, or harm her in some way? They'd be the first questions coming to my mind. Parents that care and WANT to be in their kids lives makes the effort. I would know, I was abandoned by my father when I was young, the only time he wanted me around was when it was transactional. If he was paying child maintenance, he wanted to see me, otherwise, I was dead to the world. Keep insisting and going through the courts. You're doing a good thing for yourself and your family!

I'm pretty sure he's mainly trying to get around the supervised visits because he would have to pay for everything for them. And when we first picked this spot it was suggested by my lawyer to use this company but apparently they were going through some transition so they stopped their visitation services and no longer offer those. He tried going somewhere else and they told him unless the court documents say their specific company or that we get to decide where we go they can't accept our case. When we first found this out I told him I can't afford to pay for the documents to be changed and he said he would and never did. So when I brought it up again this time around, I told him again to go get the paperwork changed because he again tried getting me to agree to something outside of court to let him see her. He's also married now so I don't want whoever he's married to to be around my daughter either considering he has a history of staying around toxic people.

I don't want him around her at all. But if he goes through the court then legally I can't do much about it and at least there would be documentation. I still wouldn't like it but I wouldn't be able to stop it without risking getting myself in trouble and I'm making sure my hands are squeaky clean because I'll be damned if anyone tries to take her from me.

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