Advice? Relate? Relationship question…

Not sure how to word it…but this is a thing and it’s really bothering me right now in my marriage and I don’t think it’s unique to my husband! Have had a partner who you’ve grown very comfortable with, been together for years, been through all the life things and they get to a point sometimes where the typical social mindfulness of their words/tone/body language comes off shitty because they aren’t putting on that nice normalcy anymore? It’s natural to get so comfortable that you lose certain things you normally hold back, raw emotion and honesty is great but that’s not what I mean, I’m referring to the day to day small things of losing mindfulness or sight that your person is an actual person and it is important to still be kind even when cranky… For example - if you wake up in a bad mood, you don’t go to work, get coffee with coworkers and speak and talk to them rudely and or be short. Its understood that it’s important to be self aware of how we speak to others because it has impact and we are mindful and would feel bad for treating other people poorly because of our personal issue. It’s important! My husband tends to forget this…sometimes it’s like he forgets I’m his friend and partner…so he talks to me or disregards me in a way that ends up hurting my feelings and I just deal with it, but it makes me feel like complete shit sometimes. For example: I work from home, we have 3 kids under 6, I generally do everything if we are being honest and I don’t complain or harass him, it’s just our norm and I don’t feel like begging someone to help me. So yesterday I get off work, take the kids outside to play around 5pm, while they play I start working in the yard. I decide to move a firepit I built and use the sand for the kids play area…which is a lot of physical work, so I’m busting ass shoveling a ton of sand and moving bricks and clearing weeds and he comes outside and is like “what are you even doing” in a rude tone…I said “they need sand for their sandpit and it’s $200 per order so I figured I’d move this since we don’t use it”…he says “that’s stupid af”…”you’re gunna make it look like shit” so I stop shoveling to explain the plan and he dismisses me, shakes his head and speaks over me while walking away “nah it’s just dumb, always doing stupid shit” as he walks back inside to play his video games. This is a pattern. He doesn’t understand something I’m doing and he won’t let me speak and just calls it dumb or if he disagrees he criticizes but won’t let me speak and walks away. Or he will misunderstand a plan and call it dumb or say I’m a “liar” if he isn’t understanding which is insane and the second I try to clarify whatever info isn’t clicking, he cuts me off, tells me to stop talking to him or he doesn’t care and walks away. Then he acts like everything is normal our next interaction? He does it with so many little things it feels mean spirited to me, but I rationalize that he can just be an asshole, his family talks to each other that way so he isn’t intentionally trying to hurt me. The thing is, I’m positive and bubbly, I am always one step ahead of his needs, I think of him, I offer him help or do everything for him, if his mood is off I check in or ask if needs anything…being mindful is important to me…so when I’m vibing through the day, even doing work I personally feel like he should be helping with without complaint it really hurts me even worse….I feel so unseen and it makes me feel bad. I decided this time to finally say something, so I texted this: (comment) What do you think, I always try and stay solution focused when we have an issue, but he got mad my feelings were hurt? Then he ignored me neutralizing with a simple plan to make it better…which again is hurtful because I usually just eat my feelings, so opening up and then this is the reaction is confusing.