What y'all think? I need help deciding

How would buying a car influence negatively on your ability to move?

@Nelly it would just mean I would have less money saved to move possibly out of state but a car would also help with the move if I have leave quickly so it wouldn't be a negative impact. I don't currently have a car just want to see if anyone has gone through same issue and how it helped

Looking for advice or insight not unnecessary questions. Thank you! Hopefully someone can relate or have similar experience.

If this question isn’t also guidance… I think you’re asking for someone to tell you what to do without even considering the negative or positive impact of each decision. I had 2 more questions before giving my advice but I guess you don’t want an answer/opinion based on your reality, so I really hope you get the answer you want. I wish you luck.

Buy a car and then do what? Do you have somewhere to go afterwards?

Whichever option leads you closer to getting you guys away from him

If buying a car is gonna help you leave sooner so y’all have a way to get somewhere then buy the car. But if y’all don’t have somewhere to go then save for somewhere to go first and get the car after you’re there.

Before you do anything, find out if it’s okay to just grab your kids and leave out of state with your kids without the other parent’s consent. You’re saying he is a narcissist but does that fall in the abuse category where you leave? You can just explain your unique situation to ChatGPT and where you live and it’ll tell you. You don’t want that man to accuse you of kidnapping. You will most likely need proof of his abuse. Also, talk to your friends or relatives, believe it or not, even if you have distanced yourself from them they will help you to get out of this situation.

Realistically you need to do whatever gets you out of there faster. If the children have said they don't think he likes them!? That's sad and not an environment you or they should be putting up with ❤️

@Nelly Thank you. Definitely didn't think about that part. I take care of my kids by myself but he is on the birth certificate. Also I do have proof that he is not safe for my babies. He's a functioning alcoholic and so is his mom and family. He's not going to call the police on himself. I do possible have somewhere to go but it's thousands of miles away that's why I wanted to get a car and I wanted to save so I don't have to burden anyone. He works over the road so he's not really home so that's giving me the opportunity to save the problem is he's constantly talking about quitting

I understand feeling like a burden. But buying a car brings other expenses to your plate and you need to budget wisely if you’re starting a new life as a mom that pays rent on her own. Will you be able to monetize your car? Working with Amazon flex or something similar? Would you be able to afford rent on your own? Would you need government assistance? There’s hotlines that assist you with all that, is my understanding that they pick you up if necessary, it’s not my case so I don’t know for a fact but I’ve always heard that. Just plan wisely, but quick. You have motivation now, don’t get discouraged or comfortable in your situation. You got it.

If applying for government assistance they might have a limit on how much they think u should have saved. If in NY there’s a program called SOTA or SOTTA, I think it’s what my neighbor said, and they pay for the first year of rent if you are employed. Government always prioritize domestic violence so you could probably get that help fast